A Chobits fanfic
Setting and all non-original charecters property of CLAMP
WARNING: THIS IS SLIGHTLY 18+ IN PLACES
They had discovered it weeks ago – the CHOBITS. They could hardly believe there eyes, but there she was. Walking down the street with a Hokkaido farm boy no less! There was no mistaking her features. They’d seen the picture a hundred times on “urban legend” websites: the beautiful but sad looking girl suspended in mid air by hundreds of wires, “HOBITS” visible on her thigh. (One of them actually used that picture for the wallpaper on his PC's desktop.) And here she was! The thing that finally dispelled all doubt, eliminating the possibly that some clever persocom manufacturer had simply produced a model that
looked like the legendary CHOBITS, came when they tried to use there wireless transmitter to hack it her, just the be sure. The persocom they networked through was fried beyond repair. There was no doubt – this was the real deal: The self-aware, fully independent persocom; the urban legend that could think, feel and do everything else as if they were human. They
had to get a hold of her AI. They would be
rich.
A chuckle came from the dark room that was half mad-scientist and half manga-otaku. Hirofumi Sakai had done it. His latest masterpiece was finished. “A custom virus, for a custom persocom!” he declared to himself. He called for his twin brother, Hiroaki.
“Is it done yet?” Hiroaki asked in an almost bored tone.
“Abso-mundo brother of mine! And it’s a beauty!” Hirofumi’s exuberance was more than a little grating.
“What does it do?” the more serious of the two brother’s asked.
“It makes them sneeze!” the louder of the two replied.
“That’s it?”
“Oh
come on brother of mine! You wanted me to write the decoy code right? Well, man, what could be better? I mean it’s not like persocom’s ever do that on there own! That farm boy will
know something wrong, but he’ll be totally chasing the wrong thing!”
“I suppose it will work.” Hiroaki replied, careful not to overly encourage his brother, whose ego was already excessive, in his opinion. “I’ve finished mine part as well. As long as they keep trying to deal with your obnoxious prank, they’ll never notice my subtle little program slowly undermining all of her security protocols.”
“Obnoxious is what I do best brother of mine!”
“Now that’s something we agree on.” Hiroaki was amazed at his brother’s ability to both annoy and amuse him at the same time.
“We’re going to be rich, aren’t we man?” It was the first serious thing Hirofumi had said or asked all night.
“Yes… If we play our cards right, we will do quite well. Are you ready to transmit?”
“Ready, willing and able, dude!”
“Then proceed with the upload, and be careful.”
“Hey man, I’m
always careful!”
“Hmpf.” But Hiroaki had to admit to himself that however irritating Hirofumi’s enthusiasm could be, his brother did always manage to escape detection. How that could be the case he had no idea, but of the two it was the more outspoken Hirofumi who always seemed to get away with everything.
--------------------
Hideki Motosuwa woke up late. Thankfully, being Golden Week, he didn’t have cram school classes and, having moved off the farm, didn’t have any chores to do or rice to plant or harvest either. As he sat up on his futon and gazed into the morning sun he looked forward to a week off, even if he did have to do a
little studying to catch up.
“HAAAArchoo!” He sneezed loudly into the crook of his elbow, waking his persocom, Chii. As she sat up, rather than saying ‘Good Morning’ right away, she remained quiet watching Hideki with intense curiosity. He was still waiting for the second sneeze – whenever he was photic, they always came in pairs. He sat there with his arm raised, and his eyes half closed. This one was being stubborn.
“Haah… aaah… HAHAAARchoo! Man I have
got to get some window shades. Or
something. Oh! Good morning Chii!”
“Chii. Good Morning Hideki. Hideki… hah…ah…hatchoo!” Hideki was surprised, and more than a little bit aroused, by Chii’s sneeze, which was about the cutest, most kawaii sneeze he’d ever heard. Since it had sounded somewhat like his own, he assumed that Chii was merely imitating him, and thought he should probably explain what just happened to her, as he so often needed to. “Hideki has energy this morning!” Chii continued, pointing directly at his crotch.
“Ack!” He spun around, putting his back to her. He was pretty sure that
most guys woke up somewhat…
aroused, but it was still embarrassing to have it pointed out to him! “Um… yeah… Right... ha-ha.” After calming down he turned around to explain to his persocom what had just happened.
“Chii? That was called
sneezing.”
“Sneezing?” Chii asked, in the curious tone she often used when Hideki was explaining new things to her.
“Yes, people do that when they’re sick, or when something bother’s there nose. When you here some do that, it is polite to say ‘God bless you.’”
“God bless you. Hideki… hah…ah…hatchoo! God bless you!” again with the world’s cutest sneeze, Hideki thought to himself. “hah…ah…hatchoo! God bless you!”
“Chii… are you OK? You don’t have to…”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! God bless you! Chii keeps sneezing. hah…ah…hatchoo! God bless…”
“You don’t have to say that after you sneeze; only when you hear someone else do it. When you sneeze you
could say ‘Excuse me.’”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you Chii! But… why are
you sneezing? Do persocoms get sick?”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! No, Chii’s not sick. hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Too much dust in Hideki’s room. Hideki has more energy!” Chii declared happily, again pointing at his crotch.
“Aaaah!” Hideki quickly got dressed, putting on some jeans. He found it so unnerving when she pointed that out. What he found even more unnerving was the effect that Chii’s sneeze was having on him. No wonder he had so much “energy,” as she put it, that cute, girly, kawaii little sneeze was just too much! He wasn’t sure if anyone else would get so turned on by it, and it embarrassed him more than a little, but it was just so cute!
“Chii… I’m glad you’re not sick, but… What do you mean too much dust?” Hideki, being a young single male
did have a bit of a dusty room, but it had never bothered either of them before. “Are you allergic to dust?” He felt uncomfortable even asking.
“Allergic? hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you! Allergic is when… well, I guess it’s when something bothers your nose, and makes you sneeze.” Hideki simplified the explanation to increase the likelihood that Chii would understand. Also, he felt extremely uncomfortable discussing allergies, even with a persocom, considering the effect that
their effects had on him.
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Yes… Chii’s aller… aller… al… hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to dust.” Chii’s sneezy, wavering voice as she tried to talking through an impending sneeze made Hideki's pulse race. He could not get over how cute she was, and how helpless she appeared. As Hideki adjusted himself, regretting his choice of such a tight pair of jeans, he thought that it
might be a good idea to clean up a little. And even though he didn’t really understand much about computers, this morning’s events did seem strange enough that he thought he’d ask his friend Shinbo, from down the hall, about it. Shinbo knew a
lot more about computers than Hideki did.
--------------------
* Knock *
“Hey Shinbo! Are you awake?”
His friend opened the door, looking like he’d been not only awake, but busy for some time. “Yeah I’m awake! It’s 10:00, did you just get up?”
“Ha-ha… yeah… I guess I slept in a little. Hey… I think there’s a problem with Chii. Do you think you could have a look at her?”
(Please don’t ask me what’s wrong with her! Please don’t ask me what’s wrong with her! Please don’t ask me what’s wrong with her! Please don’t ask me what’s wrong with her! )
“Sure! What’s wrong with her?”
(AAAAH!) Hideki relayed the events of the morning, hoping his friend wouldn’t notice his increasingly bent over posture as he told the story. ‘I have got to change out of these pants!’ he thought to himself.
“Huh. That
is strange. She said she was…
allergic?”
‘Stop saying that word!’ Hideki thought to himself.
“I’ve never heard of a persocom being allergic…”
‘AAAH! Stop saying that
WORD!’ Hideki thought again, his jeans getting increasingly uncomfortable.
“So I don’t think she could really be
allergic…”
‘FOR THE LOVE OF BUDDHA, CHRIST AND MUHHAMAD WOULD YOU STOP SAYING THAT
WORD!!!’ Hideki screamed in his mind, sure that he was getting red-faced by now.
“It’s probably a weird computer virus of some kind. Most likely just a stupid prank. Does she have anti-virus software? Is it up to date?”
The blank look on Hideki’s face was answer enough. “Huh? I’ve never installed any software on Chii, remember?”
“Yeah… That’s right. And based on what we’ve seen of her internal security software, I’m surprised any thing
could infect her. All the same, you should get yourself some decent anti-virus software.”
“Is it expensive?” Hideki asked in a depressed tone.
“You bet!” Shinbo beamed, as he always did when giving Hideki bad news.
*sigh* Hideki hung his head. His pants fit perfectly now.
--------------------
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!” Chii sneezed several times as Shinbo checked her out, not that he could do much – the only time he’d hooked his mini-persocom, Sumomo, to Chii it took the rest of the weekend to get Sumomo working again. Hideki went to put on some baggier pants.
“Chii… can you run a virus scan?” He asked, but Chii just looked at him confused.
Hideki returned just as Chii sneezed again. “hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Virus scan?”
Sumomo climbed out of Shinbo’s backpack and jumped down in front of Chii “It is polite to cover your nose and mouth whenever you sneeze!” she declared in her typical, highly cheerful voice.
“Cover… hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Cover Chii’s nose and mouth?”
“Yes, like this… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE!” Little Sumomo was doubled over by the force of her sneeze, her pudgy arms reaching up to cover her nose and mouth with both hands. Shinbo though her demonstration was pretty funny. Hideki was thankful for the loose fitting pants.
“Sumomo… Bless you!” Chii offered. The sight of one persocom sneezing while another blessed had Shinbo almost laughing out loud. Hideki wondered if anyone could appreciate the scene the way that he did.
“Sumomo, can you run a search and see if you can find anything out about a new computer virus that acts this way?”
“Ha… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE! HAI!”
Shinbo was surprised to here his mini-persocom sneeze again. He’d assumed the first one was only for demonstration purposes. He kept a cautious eye on her as she ran the search.
“No!” Sumomo finally yelled, enthusiastically. “No reported viruses match th.. th… thi… tha… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE! …this description!” Sumomo then went over to Shinbo’s backpack and started rummaging around inside with only her legs sticking out. She came out holding a tissue that was big enough for the diminutive persocom to use for a bed sheet. She held it to her face and made a sound as if she was blowing her nose.
“What was that all about?” Hideki asked, taken totally off guard by Sumomo’s behavior.
“I don’t know.” Shinbo answered, somewhat confused himself. “What’s the deal Sumomo?”
“It’s important to blow your nose to expel irritants and clear congestion!” Sumomo declared cheerfully.
Chii took the tissue from Sumomo and did the same. It was so cute, Hideki couldn’t stand it.
“WARNING! WARNING!” cried Sumomo. “It is unsanitary to use the same tissue as another person!”
Had he not been so concerned for both his own persocom and Chii, Shinbo would have laughed. “OK. I’m going to take her home so she can rest and then I’ll come back to check out Chii a little more.” Shinbo wasn’t sure if bed rest would benefit a persocom, but he was out of ideas, and if Sumomo did get the virus, it was apparently beyond the software he’d installed anyway. Shinbo left Sumomo in the care of Kotoko, another mini-persocom that he and Hideki “liberated” from a hacker known as “Dragonfly,” and went back to Hideki’s room. After a few more attempts yielded no information, he suggested they go see Minoru Kokubunji. Minoru was a child prodigy who designed and built custom persocoms. If anyone could figure this out, he could.
--------------------
Back in Shinbo’s room, Sumomo made a make-shift futon out of a washcloth and lay down to “get some rest.” The much more serious and practical Kotoko, who Shinbo instructed to ‘take care of Sumomo,’ just look annoyed.
“What are you doing?” She asked in a disapproving tone.
“I’m getting rest!” Sumomo declared.
“Why do you need rest? Just plug in and recharge your battery.”
“I’m si… si… sa… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE! I’m sick.” The little persocom said in a much more subdued tone.
“You are so impractical! You are not
sick. Persocoms don’t get
sick.”
Sumomo, lying on her back, pulled the top fold of the washcloth up to her chin, as if she was shivering and needed a blanket. “I have a cold. I n-nee… nee… na… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE! …need rest.” She then leaned over to grab a tissue out of the box sitting nearby.
“What are you doing now?!” Kotoko demanded.
After holding the tissue to her face and making the same ‘blowing your nose’ sound as before, she explained, once again using her more cheerful voice. “It’s important to blow your nose to expel irritants and clear congestion!” Then she went back to looking pathetic and lying in bed.
“You’re so ridiculous. You’re on your own. I have work to do.” After several failed attempts by Sumomo to elicit sympathy from her appointed caretaker, she finally decided to ‘get some rest’ for real and switched into standby mode.
As Shinbo and Hideki walked with Chii over to Minoru Kokubunji’s house, their conversation centered (as usual) on computers and persocoms.
“So these viruses… they can go from persocom to persocom?” Hideki asked.
“Yes and no.” Shinbo started. “Normally persocoms don’t connect to each other wirelessly, at least not automatically, so unless they’re actively transferring data, the virus won’t transfer either.
“But Sumomo wasn’t hooked up to Chii…”
“I know. After
last time, both Sumomo
and I know not to try
that again. And if the virus did transfer wirelessly, why didn’t Kotoko get it when I left Sumomo with her? I only stayed for a minute or two, but Sumomo seemed to get it from Chii right away.”
“Yeah… sorry about that.”
“You’ll pay for it.” Shinbo said casually, knowing Hideki was broke.
“Bastard.” Hideki shot back, knowing his friend knew he was broke.
“You know it!”
As they made their way through the crowded city, they began to notice other persocoms acting the same way that Chii did. And each time their owners would react as if they had never seen this type of thing before. What’s more Chii’s condition seemed to be getting worse.
As the passed by a lilac bush: “hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to flowers.”
As they bumped into an older woman, wearing WAAAY too much perfume: “hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to perfume.”
Hideki, assuming Chii was not
really reacting to these things, but rather was just following a program, wasn’t even sure how she was able to discern what could cause the reaction and what couldn’t. He hadn’t given her any additional information after their awkward conversation that morning. After the discovery of several more triggers (Chii was apparently allergic to everything that a person could be) and several more observations in persocom’s they passed, Hideki had another question.
“Shinbo… If this was just some random virus, going over the ‘net for example, it would be a pretty big coincidence if it were only affecting the few persocom we’ve run into this morning and no others, right? I mean… based on what we’ve seen this morning, I would guess half the persocoms in Tokyo must have it by now.”
“I suppose. But what are you getting at?”
“Well… If it’s that widespread, and it’s a new virus and all… Wouldn’t it be on the news or something? Wouldn’t we be able to find it on the ‘Net, maybe?”
“Makes sense. But I had Sumomo check earlier and nothing came up.”
“Do… do you think Chii is… like a carrier? Like she’s the one spreading it? That would explain Sumomo… and all these others… and why nobody seems to have heard about it! Maybe it’s not everywhere… just everywhere we go!”
“I don’t know. It’s
possible, but I think you’re jumping the gun – remember the haunted apartment room?”
“Hey – that was different! You have to admit…”
“It’s possible. But let’s wait until Kokubunji takes a look before we start carting out the conspiracy theories, OK?”
“OK.”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to grass.”
“Bless you, Chii.” Hideki said in a concerned tone, sympathetically patting her on the head as they walked.
After a fairly long (and for Hideki extremely uncomfortable) walk they arrived at the entrance gate to the Kokubunji estate and were buzzed in by Minoru’s custom persocom, Yuzuki.
“Greetings Master Motosuwa, Master Shinbo. Lord Minoru is expecting you.” Yuzuki waited while Hideki and Shinbo were attended to by four scantily clad persocoms wearing skimpy maid outfits.
‘Oh man,’ Hideki thought to himself, ‘if these four starts sneezing, I think my head’s gonna explode!’
“You know for a 10 year old kid, Minoru sure knows how to dress a persocom!” Shinbo was clearly enjoying the maid-treatment. Hideki was just hoping to get through it without breaking something. Once their shoes and jackets were taken care of, Yuzuki led them upstairs to Minoru’s palatial office.
As they walked up the stairs they were passed by a cat, going in the opposite direction.
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to cats.” Hideki had lost count of the number of triggers at this point.
“Bless you, Miss Chii.” Yuzuki offered. Hideki just smiled, sadly.
Yuzuki seated them on a sofa in Minoru’s office. Minoru joined them shortly thereafter.
“Hello Mister Shinbo, Mister Motosuwa. I got your message, and I must say it seems like a very odd case. I can’t find anything about it on the ‘net. Even in the hacker forums. If it is a virus, whoever created it isn’t bragging about it.”
“I assume you scanned the message before opening it,” Shinbo said. “Did you find anything? Did it cause you any trouble?” Hideki had no idea what Shinbo was talking about.
“All of my incoming mail is scanned, with both commercial software and my own custom programs as well. The message was clean.”
“Even though it came from an infected persocom?”
“No issues. I’ve checked Yuzuki as well as my other persocom’s out thoroughly since receiving your message and none show any sign of malfunction.”
Just as he finished saying this, a loud sneeze came from Yuzuki’s direction. “HaaayYEEESHOOO! Oh my! I’m sorry Lord Minoru.” She seemed as surprised as the rest of them.
Minoru just sat, stunned for what seemed like a minute or more. He had created Yuzuki to resemble his late sister in form, and programmed her to have the same personality and traits. He had entered as much data as he could in what was ultimately a failed attempt to try and recreate his sister. Although he could not remember doing it, he apparently had even had Yuzuki copy her sneeze. Since persocom’s never sneeze, this bit of data was long forgotten by Minoru but, for just a second, he could have sworn his sister was with them again. It was exactly how his sister sneezed.
“Are you OK, Yuzuki?” Minoru sounded almost haunted at first, but regained his composure. “Run a virus scan… Quickly!”
“Initia… In… in… HaaayYEEESHOOO! I’m sorry. Initiating now.” The three could see Yuzuki eyes go blank momentarily as she ran the scan. “No viruses or malicious program f… f… f… HaaayYEEESHOOO! …found.”
Minoru looked puzzled. “If this is a virus, the designer must be really good. Even my own personal software can’t detect it.” He thought for a minute. “There are three guys I know that you’ll want to check out. I’ll give you their addresses. They’re all pretty infamous hackers. I know them from the hacker boards. They only know me as “M” but I’ve traced back where there messages are coming from. If one of these guys didn’t actually create the virus, they might have some idea who did. Oh yeah – and you can take Chii with you. Since Yuzuki now appears to have it, I’ll work with her to try and identify it, and create a countermeasure program. Here... You three take this list. I think you know the first name on there. And try not to infect my other persocoms on the way out. I may need them to serve as a control group to test my counter program.”
Hideki took the list. He did recognize the first name on it and it made his blood boil – the same man who had once kidnapped Chii to try and hack into her AI. Next to each name was a handle and an address. :
1. Yoshiyuki Kojima (Dragonfly)
2. Kenichi Moro (Niceguy)
3. Hirofumi Sakai (Jester)
and
Hiroaki Sakai (Vendetta)
(aka – the “hero brothers”)
Shinbo, Hideki and Chii took their leave of Minoru and were met by four scantily clad, very sneezy persocoms in skimpy maid outfits on the way out to help them with their jackets and shoes. Hideki seriously thought he was going to drop dead, right there, on the spot. ‘If Chii makes any comments about ‘energy’… he didn’t know what he would do. Fortunately (or unfortunately) Chii was having some trouble herself and was too busy sneezing and excusing herself to notice.
Before heading to the first address on the list, Shinbo thought he should check in on Sumomo and Kotoko. When he opened the door to his apartment, he was not surprised to see the always serious Kotoko sitting in the middle of the floor in a trance. ‘Probably searching the ‘net for some… performance optimization software or some such thing.’ He felt a little strange about not receiving the typical, enthusiastic welcome from Sumomo. He was
not prepared for what he saw in her corner of the room.
She was in standby mode, sleeping on her tiny make-shift futon, clinging to a miniature blanket that she had pulled up to her chin. She had something that looked like a tiny ice pack on her head and something that looked like a small thermometer in her mouth. The tissue box was half empty, its crumpled remnants scattered about the floor.
“Uh… Kotoko? How are you feeling?”
The tiny persocom opened her eyes and replied “I’m fine.”
“You uh… didn’t catch anything from Sumomo?”
“I said I’m fine. Like I tried telling that spazmic malfunction about a hundred times: Persocoms don’t get sick.”
Shinbo went over and picked up Sumomo. She woke, but appeared exhausted. Not herself at all. “Shinbo… Welcome… Home…” she managed meekly.
“Come on guys! We and Motosuwa have to get working on that list – and you’ll need to help us Kotoko… Sumomo’s… uh….”
“Useless?”
“She’s just…! Kokubunji thinks it’s a computer virus. Some kind of prank…”
“I couldn’t find anything about it the last time I searched the net. Do you want me to check again?” Her personality could be a bit sarcastic at times, but when you had a job for her to do, she was always ready to help.
“I do, but help us find these addresses first. Then you can search while we walk.”
--------------------
Shinbo, Hideki and Chii made there way to the first address on the list. Kotoko rode on Shinbo’s shoulder, while Sumomo moaned and groaned and occasionally sneezed from inside Shinbo’s backpack.
And so the scene repeated:
“ha… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE!” from inside the pack.
“Sumomo! God bless you!” from Chii
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to…” whatever…
“Bless you!” from inside the pack.
Each time Kotoko seemed to get a little more annoyed with them.
As they continued they also noticed, as they had earlier, that every persocom they passed started sneezing as well; again, much to the surprise of their owners. Just before they reached the apartment of the hacker and persocom kidnapper known as “Dragonfly,” Kotoko reported that she had found a hit on the net.
“Someone just posted on a computer virus helpline discussion board asking about a virus that makes per…” Kotoko paused for a few seconds “per…socoms…. sn-sneeze.” Hideki looked over and noticed that her eyes were half closed and she had a look of intense concentration on her face.
“Are you OK, Kotoko?” He asked.
“I’m fine.” The strange look was now gone. “So far there are no responses to the poster’s query.”
“Good work, Kotoko.” Shinbo said, apparently oblivious to the awkward pauses in Kotoko’s voice. “We’re here.” He knocked on “Dragonfly’s” door.
When Yoshiyuki Kojima opened the door it was all Hideki could do not to punch him right in the face. He had never forgiven him for attempting to kidnap Chii. Fortunately, since Hideki knew almost nothing about computers anyway, Shinbo did the talking, explained the situation to Yoshiyuki, and aksed him what he knew about it. Hideki, who was a pretty good judge of people, and already suspicious Yoshiyuki, was careful to look for any signs of deception in the man’s answers.
“Well... the only thing I’ve seen are a couple of posts asking about it. One of them was from ‘M’ himself. You know... you should really tell Kokubunji to change his handle...”
“So you don’t know who’s behind it?”
“Well it’s not
me if that’s what your asking. I’m a hacker, not a prankster. The guy’s good though, especially if he can spread it without it being detected, bypassing all the commercial and custom virus protection that’s out there.”
Shinbo mentioned Hideki’s theory about Chii being the carrier.
Yoshiyuki thought about it for a while before replying. “It’s possible. I don’t know how they would get it into her in the first place but... if they did... well... Chii’s different you see.” Hideki didn’t like where this was going. “The last time I worked on Chii...” Hideki clenched his fist so hard his knuckles cracked. “...and her defenses activated... Not only was my own lab trashed, but for a few seconds... according to my data log (or what was left of it) Chii was momentraily connected to every single persocom in the world.”
The two were stunned. ‘Why couldn’t Kokubunji detect this?’ they thought.
“It actually happened a couple of times before. I was researching the phenomenon and discovered it was caused by this one persocom. That’s why I wanted to research her more closely.” The look on Hideki’s face resembled the one use by Medusa to petrify people. Picking up on this, Yoshiyuki chanegd the subject.
“So how have you been, Chii?”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to dust.”
Yoshiyuki was about to ask his guests forgiveness for the state of his apartment when he was interrupted by a loud, cheerful voice coming from Shinbo’s backpack. “God bless you!”
Yoshiyuki laughed out loud. “Does the virus make them do that too?”
Now it was Shinbo’s turn to be annoyed. “No! She’s just being... polite.”
Suddenly “ha… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE!” came from inside the pack.
“Sumomo! God bless you!” Chii replied.
Yoshiyuki was in hysterics. “Oh my God! Have they been doing this all day? That’s rich! Oh my God, that’s too much! They actually bless each other? Why on earth do they do that?”
“I told you...” Shinbo started, really annoyed now, but was interrupted by Kotoko as she climbed back out of the backpack and onto his shoulder.
“Beacuse their idiots.” She said flatly.
“Kotoko! My old mini-persocom! Are you ready to come home?”
Kotoko just looked away from her old owner. Hideki reminded “Dragonfly” that she was taken as compensation, so they wouldn’t press charges. He conceded, and shortly thereafter the group was on there way again.
“What do think Motosuwa-san?”
“Well... I think he’s an asshole. But I also think he was being truthful.”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to…”
“Bless you Chii.” Hideki said for what seemed like the 500th time that day, and gently caressed the back of her head with his hand as they walked.
--------------------
Although they basically knew the way to “Dragonfly’s” apartment, having been there once before to try and rescue Chii, “Niceguy” lived in a part of the city that they were less familiar with. What was worse was that their navigator seemed to be losing steam.
“After… 100… m-meters… turn… left… on… on…”
“Kotoko are you sure you’re OK?” Hideki asked again.
“I’m f… f… f… hup-chmpfk! ...fine.” To Hideki it definitely sounded like she stifled a sneeze.
“God bless you” emanated from the backpack, simultaneously with “Kotoko! God bless you!” from Chii. That confirmed it.
Shinbo stopped. He did a quick examination of Kotoko and concluded that she too was now “sick” or “allergic” or whatever this virus was making them.
“Hey Kotoko, why don’t you team up with Sumomo on the navigating? It might be easier if you shared the load.”
Kotoko looked insulted. “I’m not… hup-chmpfk! ...going to sh-share my work…with… with… hup-chmpfk! …that ridiculous… hup-chmpfk!...”
Three times in rapid succession: “God bless you” from the backpack, along with “Kotoko! God bless you!” from Chii.
“AAAH!” Kotoko expressed in frustration upon finally reaching her breaking point. Even persocom’s had limits apparently. “Just go left in 100 meter and it will be on your right!” she said very quickly before adding another “hup-chmpfk!”
“GOD…” two voices said at once.
“SHUT UP!” yelled a tired sounding Kotoko, as she climbed into the backpack.
“Hey Shinbo… maybe we can put the mini’s on standby for awhile?” Hideki suggested, although he was almost numb to it by now.
Shinbo seemed not to have heard him as he knocked on “Niceguy’s” door. They could hear the sound of a dog barking.
A man opened the door and introduced himself as “Kenichi Moro” while he held back his energitc border collie. “Can I help you?”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me! Chii’s allergic to dogs.”
Kenichi was so surprised he almost let the dog go. “Did... uh... did you program her to do that?”
Hideki answered, “No. That what we want to see you about. Are you Niceguy?”
Kenichi looked even more suprised. “Huh? Whaddayoumean? I don’t know... I mean I don’t... I’m sorry... Please come in. Why don’t we start form the beginning?”
They all sat down on a worn yet comfortable couch inside Kenichi’s fairly cluttered apartment. The dog, ‘Kenji’ sat at Chii’s feet, resting his head on her lap looking up at her with sad, lonely looking eyes. She petted him with one hand while covering up the sneezes that came about every five to ten seconds with the other. Hideki sat next to her praying he wouldn’t be blueballed by the end of the day. Shinbo explained the situation, and asked if he knew anything about the virus.
“Well, I didn’t write it if that’s what you mean. Your friend, ‘M,’ sent you to me because tracking down computer viruses is my specialty. I’m somehwat of a digital epidemiaologist. As for what I know... well it just so happenes there was something on the news about it, just before you three came knocking.”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you, Chii.” Hideki said for what felt like the 1000th time that day.
Kenichi flipped on the TV and they were repeating the story: “Hundereds of reports coming in of infected persoms accross the city. The virus does not appear harmful, and does not spread from persocom to persocom, or through email. Authorities do not know how the virus does spread, but are working to crack the code in order to prevent future....”
*click*
“That’s about it. So I know of it. But not much else I’m afraid.” Kenichi said apologetically.
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you.” This time it came from Kenichi. “By the way... am I mistaken Mister Shinbo or did your backpack sneeze several times just now as well?”
Shinbo pulled Sumomo and Kotoko out of the pack. Sure snough Sumomo was still going on with her obnoxious sneezing while Kotoko was content to stifle.
“Oh my!” said Kenichi. “That’s so cute!” Hideki wondered if he was reading to much into Kenichi statement, as he pondered whether they might be thinking the same thing.
Kenichi picked up Kotoko and examined her closely. “So do you have a cold, or are you allergic?”
“hup-chmpfk!” Kotoko’s two-handed stifle was now almost doubling her over. “Neither! Persocoms don’t… get… s-s-s…. hup-chmpfk! …sick, or al… aller… aaahh… hup-chmpfk! ...allergies!” Hearing Kotoko’s sneezy denial was too much for Hideki. He asked if he could use the bathroom and excused himself.
“I have to admit,” Kenichi began, putting Kotoko back in Shinbo’s pack, “Whoever did this sure has a sense of humor.”
“So... you can’t help us then?” Shinbo asked, thinking ‘strike two.’
“Oh I’ll keep my eyes open. A virus that actually made the news? And they don’t even know how it’s spreading? I can’t help but investigate that!”
“We have an idea...” Shinbo explained Hideki’s theory bout Chii.
“Hmmm... Yeah that could be. Could I ask a favor? Would you... let... Chii infect my persocom?”
Shinbo thought he’d heard him wrong. “What? Why?”
“Ummmm... Well.... So... I... can... get a sample of the virus code in order to investigate it! ... of course.” Shinbo thought Kenichi was smiling a little too wide, but obliged and introduced Chii to Kenichi persocom. Once the other one started sneezing they headed over the the last address.
--------------------
At the aprartment of the “hero brothers,” Hiroaki “Vendetta” Sakai and Hirofumi “Jester” Sakai were watching the local news, stunned to see that their virus was that night’s top story.
“I thought you said it wouldn’t pass between persocoms?” Hiroaki asked in an annoyed tone.
“I did brother-man! Even the
news-dude said it doesn’t get passed around!” Hirofumi was getting rather nervous. This had gone way beyond what they had planned to do.
“If that’s the case, the why is the
news-dude even talking about it?!”
“Hey man! It wasn’t my fault! What the fuck?! I
know that virus can’t be spread! And it doesn’t self-replicate! All it does is stay hidden, and make
one persocom sick!”
“So… what? This is just an amazing coincidence? Did someone else create a virus that does the exact same thing as yours and release it on the exact same day?! Hang on… there one way to check… My virus piggy backed yours so…” He trailed off as he logged onto their website. He had expected to see a single automated e-mail containing the access codes and password hack for a single persocom – the Chobits. What he was seeing looked like the codes and hacks for hundreds of persocoms, maybe over a thousand! And more emails were coming in every few seconds. Hiroaki finally lost his cool.
“Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Fuck! SHIT! SHIT! FUCK! FUCK! ARE YOU FUCKING
KIDDING ME?! There no fucking way we can hide all this! We’re getting fucking spammed by our own fucking virus! What the fuck did you do?!”
While Hiroaki lost his cool, Hirofumi went silent. All he could do was shrug his shoulders. The brothers now knew they were screwed. It was only a matter of time before someone traced one of those emails back to them.
--------------------
It was getting dark as Hideki, Shinbo and Chii closed in on the final address on the list, directed by a miserable sounding Kotoko, who threatened to fall off Shinbo’s shoulder with each stifled sneeze. About a block away, a sneezy Sumomo climbed out of the pack and informed them that they had an incoming call.
“It’s from... ko… ko… ha… ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE! Kokubuji!” she declared.
“Sumomo. God bless you.” followed Chii. Shinbo instructed the little persocom to put the call through.
“Guys… I have news…” Hideki still found it unnerving to hear Minoru’s voice coming out of Sumomo. “The ‘hero brothers’ – Jester and Vendetta? There the guys behind all this! Yuzuki has been sneezing all day, and unable to find the virus code itself, but she
did catch an email that was being sent through her net connection. It was automated, and contained all of her access codes and password hacks. What’s more I recognize the address it was going to - it’s theirs. Whatever you do… be careful! … ha… haaaAAAAH-CHOOIE!” Sumomo sneezed just as the connection went out.
“Hmmm…” Shinbo thought for a moment. “OK… we’ll go ahead and check them out anyway, but let me do the talking. I have a plan.”
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you, Chii. No problem Shinbo. I’ll follow your lead.”
They climbed the staircase and knocked on the apartment door. A man who looked like he had been well dressed just a short while ago, but now looked disheveled, answered the door. A younger man who looked like all he was missing was a skateboard sat behind him. “Can I help you?” the formerly well dressed man asked.
“Well, we were….” Shinbo began.
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!” The man eyes went wise when he saw Chii and heard her sneeze. When he tried to slam the door, Hideki decided that Shinbo’s plan wasn’t working out. He kicked the door as hard as he could and sent the man sprawling.
Hideki was on him in an instant, grabbing him up by the lapels and pinning him against the wall. Compared to the cows he’d spent his life pulling around, this skinny hacker felt about as soft and light as a pillow. He raised his fist and paused as the man cowered. Shinbo could tell by the look on Hideki face that, if he was going to salvage this situation, he was going to have to act fast.
“He’s a farm boy, you know.” he began calmly. “Yep, those guys sure are strong. It’s all that manly work they spend 18 hours of every day doing. Yep, I’m pretty sure he could just tear you guys apart without even breaking a sweat. It’s too bad too; he’s really a nice guy. But you… ah… messed with his persocom, and he’s really protective of her. You recognize her?”
“Y-Yeah.” It was the skater on the couch. “W-What do you want?”
Hideki still had the other subdued, so Shinbo continued. “Ok – first, nothing’s going to happen until you fix this mess! Then, we’re going to have the farm boy here toss all of these computers right out that window. NO, NO! Don’t even try to stop him! It’s either that… or we turn it all over to the authorities and let them find out what’s on these machines.” Shinbo was bluffing at this point. He really had no idea what the authorities might find, but since he had the upper hand, he thought he press them a little.
“OK. O-K. I’ve got the removal program here. But it’s only for her… she’ll have to transmit it somehow… it’s just like the virus… it won’t transfer on its own.
“hah…ah…hatchoo! Excuse me!”
“Bless you Chii! Are you ready to get rid of that virus?” Shinbo was pretty happy with himself at this point.
“Chii!” answered the persocom.
The brother’s used their custom transmitter to upload the anti-virus. What happened next came as a shock to everyone, even the two brothers who had some idea of Chii’s capability. She looked around the room, and then asked in a deep, clear voice that didn’t sound like her at all, “Are you the two that tried to violate me?”
“Y-Yes.” Both brothers stammered, clearly frightened.
“I need your system to transmit the counter. I regret to inform you that all of your data is about to be… destroyed.”
Chii raised her hands and pointed both arms at the desktops, and servers. As she spread her fingers, what looked like miniature bolts of lightning flew from them, as a golden light seems to shine from all over her body. She floated a foot into the air and her hair moved like waves in the ocean, a golden tide cascading down the shores of her back. After a minute the light dimmed. All of the computers were fried as well as the modems and even the wires connecting the system to the ‘net. Chii looked up and in the same clear voice said, “All data has been deleted. Anti-virus has been transmitted to all persocoms.” When the light went out completely, she fell to the floor.
Hideki finally released his captive and ran over to pick Chii up. She was not heavy, so he knew she had not stopped functioning. She opened her eyes and in her own, child-like voice said “Chii! Hideki! Chii is OK.” The ‘hero brothers’ were almost in tears as they surveyed the damage to their system, and determined it was completely trashed.
“Look on the bright side…” Shinbo taunted, “Now you won’t have to watch us throw it out the window, and we won’t have to turn you into the police either. Come on gang. Let’s go home.”
--------------------
Hideki woke the next day staring directly into the sun, beaming though his untreated window.
“HAAAArchoo!” His photic sneeze woke up Chii.
“Hideki! God bless you. Hideki has energy this morning!”
Although he did, and he was still embarrassed by Chii pointing it out, he had to admit he was going to miss hearing her sneeze... Even if it did cause him to have some slightly visible “energy.”
