Wandering from the Path (Mahou Sensei Negima!)

A Mahou Sensei Negima! Fanfic
Setting and all non-original characters are property of Ken Akamatsu
The Mirror of Eirsed is the property of J.K. Rowling


After a long day of lecturing and several hours spent in the office grading papers, 10 year old Professor Negi Springfield finally arrived at the dorm room he shared with two of his students, Asuna Kagurazaka and Konoka Konoe. He wanted nothing more than to drop into his bed and get a good night's sleep, but as he opened the door, careful not to wake his dorm mates, he noticed a small envelope on the floor. It was a letter, and he could sense the hint of enchantment it bore. Assuming it was from his sister back in Whales, he opened it without even noticing that there was no return address. Expecting the familiar image of his older sister to rise off of the page, he was shocked by what he saw instead.

Rising from the page was what looked like a ghost, except it was all black. After getting over his surprise, he realized that it was the figure of a man in a long black cloak. The cowl was drawn low over the man’s face and Negi could not see his features. The dark figure spoke:

“Professor Negi Springfield,

Due to certain constrains relative to my security, I am afraid that I am unable to introduce myself, but rest assured that I am a friend and I want to help you. You are searching for something… someone, to be more precise. I have no knowledge or skill that can help you, but I know where you may be able to find something that can. If you are interested in learning more, go the club known as Seppuku on the same night that you arrive in Kyoto. Once you are there, I will find you.”

As if the figure’s dark demeanor and mysterious tone were not enough to make Negi feel ill at ease, moments after the ghostly figure finished his message, the page ignited and was consumed almost instantly in purple flame. Neither of his dorm mates, nor his ermine familiar, Kamo, were awakened by the letter or the flame. It also made Negi nervous that the man apparently knew so much about him. He was searching for someone: his father, whom he had seen only once in his entire life that he could remember - outside of old photographs. ‘Something that can… Help me?’ he pondered to himself. Although exhausted, sleep was slow to come as he kept replaying the mysterious message over and over in his mind. They left for their class trip to Kyoto the day after tomorrow.

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Saturday normally meant a half day of classes but, since they were leaving for Kyoto the following day, classes were cancelled. As they sat down to lunch, Negi decided it would be wise to enlist the help of his friend Asuna, with who he shared one of several Pactio contracts. He told her about the letter and asked what she thought about it.

Asuna answered him in a whisper to avoid anyone overhearing. “Sounds dangerous if you ask me. You remember what happened last time right? It could be a trap.”

“I’m sure it is quite dangerous, but I’ve already made up my mind to go. I want you to help me.”

Asuna was quite surprised. It was not often that Negi actually asked for help. “W-What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to come with me, but to stay out of sight. I’ll activate the contract before we go into the club. You keep your distance, but look sharp. If anything happens, you come in a flash to back me up!” Negi’s enthusiasm gave Asuna the impression that he thought he was the first person to ever think up something like that.

“There is one problem… The 10 foot sword – fan – thingy that comes out when I use the card or you activate the contract? Might attract a little attention.”

“Hmmm… You’re right.” Negi was disappointed in himself, not having spotted something so obvious. It did occur to him however that his student was rather clever for having seen it. “Well… if you attracted attention, maybe we could bring someone else… Someone who would not attract attention. They could be our element of surprise!”

Asuna thought for a moment. She still had her misgivings, and didn’t like the idea of playing decoy, which felt too much to her like being the bait, but she had to admit: this plan did have some potential.

“OK. I’m surprised you actually want more students along, but of those you have contracts with… Bookworm for sure. She’s so quiet, she could escape your attention in an empty room.” ‘Bookworm’ was the nickname of Nodoka Miyazaki, a shy mouse of a girl, with enormous courage despite, and rather a large crush on Negi, though she was practically phobic about most other men and boys. Although he was hesitant to put Nodoka in danger, he had to admit she was a natural choice. She was quiet and, when her contract was activated she received a journal whose pages displayed the thoughts and intentions of whomever she asked it to. That made her the perfect lookout.

“…And if bookworm comes you’ll need Yue as well – someone who can keep a cool head in case something goes wrong. Bookworm will freak if she’s faced with a pressure situation.” Negi wasn’t so sure about that, but Yue Ayase was also a natural choice to partner with Nodoka. They were best friends and Yue always kept her cool in any situation.

“Now… I might need some help in the front line, so… Setsuna.” The list was getting longer than Negi planned, but again Setsuna Sakurazaki was a master sword maiden in the Shinmei-ryu and stealth was one of her specialties. Although he was already straining to keep everyone’s role strait in his head, Asuna was still adding to the roster.

“As a second lookout you also can’t beat Asakura… and Fei Ku would be perfect for…”

“No, I think that will do Asuna.” Negi interrupted her gently. “You, Nodoka, Yue and Setsuna will be my backup. That should work out swimmingly. Thank you. I knew I could count on you for advice.”

“Eh… thanks.” Seeing as this was the first time he’d ever asked her ‘advice’ she was a bit confused by his reaction. “By the way, you told me you were meeting with this suspicious guy, but you never told me why.”

“He can help me find my father.” Negi’s reply quashed any idea’s Asuna might have had about trying to talk him out of it. “We’ll approach the others once we’re in Kyoto. Oh… and… if for some reason Nodoka and Yue can’t go with us, Asakura would be a good second choice as a lookout. Fei could fill in for Setsuna as well. Good thinking.”

Asuna was surprised. His mind was racing and yet he still managed to not only listen to what she was saying, but actually used her idea, even after he had essentially turned it down. ‘For a little brat, he’s pretty sharp,’ Asuna thought to herself as they finished lunch.

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Back in the Dean’s office, Professor Takamichi Takahata had been called in to discuss an important matter with Dean Konoe.

“The Mirror of Erised has been located.” The ancient man said in his slow, creaky voice. “It’s in Kyoto.”

“Hmmm… That could complicate things. Do you think he’ll…?”

“He already knows.”

“Then should we warn Negi?”

“Yes… Yes, I think it is important that he be warned… But be careful with your words Takahata-sensei. The youth’s desire to find his father is strong. If he gets the wrong idea… Your warning may backfire. Make sure to tell him everything he needs to know, but nothing more.”

“You can count on me, Dean Konoe.”

Takahata-sensei had known Negi since he was a very little boy, and had also known his father, Nagi, the ‘Thousand Master,’ quite well. They had been close friends, and he missed him deeply. He caught up to Negi on his way back from lunch.

“Hello there, Negi! How are you doing?”

“Takamichi! I’m feeling splendid! How are you?”

“Fine, fine. Are you all packed and ready for the trip? I’m excited myself, I’ll be able to go with everyone this year!” Takahata had been sent on diplomatic errand by Dean Konoe during the previous trip to Kyoto, and missed it.

“Just about, yes. I can’t wait to get back. I might actually get to visit some of the temples this time! With the business last time, I didn’t have even a minute to play tourist!” Although he hadn’t been there, Takahata knew about the trouble they had with the Hogakio clan, and their uprising against the Kansai Magic Association.

“Yeah, about the trip… There’s something I need to discuss with you.” For a moment Negi’s feared that he was going to be told he wouldn’t be able to go. “Do you know about the Mirror of Erised?”

No longer in danger of missing the trip, Negi regained his composure. “Uh… Sure, it’s a legend. A mirror that shows you whatever you want.”

“Well… that’s almost right. The mirror shows the viewer nothing more or less than his heart’s most desperate desire. And it’s no legend… in fact, it’s been found.”

“Really? My word! To think of it… But… why are you telling me about this?”

“Dean Konoe asked me to talk to you about it. We wanted to warn you about it. To make sure you knew that nothing could ever be gained by looking into that mirror. No wisdom has ever been found there, and so tempting are its images that even great men have wasted away sitting in front of it. If you ever want to actually find what your heart desires, you should not be tempted to look there. Please Negi. Promise me that if you hear anything else about it, that you’ll stay away.”

“OK… I promise… But… my heart’s most… You mean to see my…”

“Yes. It will show him to you, but that’s it. It won’t reunite you, nor will the mirror tell you anything about him. You must understand this.”

“I do. Although I thought it was only a legend, I wouldn't have considered using something like that. You don’t have to worry about me!” The whole conversation struck Negi as a bit odd, since he had no intention of taking on a quest anytime soon.

“Although I trust your word, there’s something else I need to tell you. Although the mirror itself is useless, it is located in a temple that houses many other treasures. These are all guarded with dangerous and deadly enchantments. If you went in there to get the mirror despite your promise to me, you’ll probably get yourself killed.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me! I don’t plan to do anything dangerous on this trip!” Negi thought of the cloaked man, but there was nothing dangerous about talking to someone, he reasoned, especially with four of his friends keeping an eye out. ‘But why do you need a lookout out if it’s not dangerous?’ his conscious asked him.

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The trip to Kyoto was uneventful, and once all of the girls were checked into the hotel, Negi and Asuna sought out Nodoka, Yue and Setsuna. The five of them disappearing into the night did not escape the attention of Kazumi Asakura – the school’s resident paparazzi, who also shared a Pactio with Negi. She spied on them from a distance, but missed the first part of the conversation.

“So that’s it really.” Negi had just finished telling the four girls whatever it was he had called them away for. “Will you help me?”

“I am hesitant to leave lady Konoe unprotected, especially considering what happened last year, but I will do so for one night. I’ll have Mana fill in for me. Don’t worry… I won’t tell her what we’re doing. Just that I’ll need to be away.” Setsuna Sakurazaki was duty bound to protect the life of Konoka Konoe even at the cost of her own. She was often assisted in this duty by her classmate Mana Tatsumiya a capable shrine maiden and demon hunter.

“Um… It sounds dangerous… and… well… I’m afraid, but I’ll protect… I mean… I’ll go.” Despite her timid tone there was no limit to Nodoka’s courage, especially when it came to Negi.

“If bookworm’s going, you’ll need me. If anything happens she’ll wet her pants.” Yue teased her friend in a cool, even tone.

“Hey!” Yue’s gentle taunt managed to cement Nodoka’s resolve.

As the five started into town, they separated to increase the chance that some of them would go unnoticed. As they did this Asakura, also unseen, drew her Pactio from her vest pocket. She activated it and used the camera that appeared to snap five quick pictures of her friends, just in case she’d need them for later. As she snuck after the group, she didn’t notice that she herself was being followed.

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“How many are with him?” The dark figure asked, coming out onto the balcony.

“The red-head with the Bells in her hair is following him at a distance. She was his minister last time… And someone’s following her, but somehow… I don’t think they know she is.” answered the young girl in the pink dress.

“Well. Nothing should happen tonight, but wait here just in case, and make a note if you see anyone else.”

“Hai!”

The cloaked figure withdrew and crossed the street to the club Seppuku.

The inside of the club was dark, with pulsating lights. Smoke hung in the air and while there was music playing, the dance floor remained empty for the moment. Negi entered apprehensively and took his seat at a table facing the door. Asuna sat down on the opposite side of the room and made no effort to hide the fact that she was watching him. (Carrying the large Harisen that was summoned upon activating her Pactio card, she was hard to miss.) Setsuna reached the back alleyway unnoticed and slipped in through the rear. Neither Negi nor Asuna were aware of where she was and no one else noticed as Yue and Nodoka entered, taking a seat towards the back of the club. Once settled, Nodoka activated her Pactio card and was now trying to locate Negi’s contact using the journal.

Negi recognized the figure’s cloak from the letter, but still couldn’t see his face. “Hello, Negi Springfield. I am here to help you in your quest.”

“I’m not on a quest.” Negi answered, somewhat annoyed sounding. “You said you had something that could help me find my…”

“...Father. Yes. I do. Tell me… have you ever heard of the mirror of Erised?”

Negi felt deflated. All this preparation and anticipation and the only thing this mysterious looking charlatan had to offer was smoke and mirrors. “Not interested.” Negi answered flatly and got up to leave.

“I wouldn’t leave so quickly.” said the dark figure in a deep, steady voice. “I see that you know of it, but what exactly do you know. What have you been told?”

Negi paused, but did not yet take his seat. Standing up, at least he was looking eye to eye with the cloaked man. “It shows you your heart’s deepest desire. Nothing more. It’s useless as a tool for knowledge.”

“Heh-heh-heh… But what if knowledge was in fact your heart’s most desperate desire?” As he pondered this, Negi didn’t even realize that he’d sat down again. “For you, your heart’s desire may be to see your father again. Easy enough, and you are right – no knowledge can be gained from the mirror that way. But what if you trained your heart… what if you truly believed that what you wanted so desperately was to know where your father was?”

Negi felt as though he’d had the wind knocked out of him. Could the mirror tell him that? Why didn’t Takahata tell him? “My mentor told me that no wisdom could be gained from it. Are you saying he lied to me?”

“No, my boy. But many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view. Your mentor was simply telling you the truth as he knew it. But his knowledge was incomplete, and this is because so few have had the necessary wisdom and discipline to wield the mirror properly. Are you willing to take the risk? Great men have wasted away sitting in front of it.” Takahata’s exact words. Was Negi being tested?

“Go on. Tell me how this would work.”

“As I said, you must possess both discipline and wisdom in great abundance. You need discipline to control your heart. The heart is simple, basic. It wants only to see your father again. But you must convince it that what it really wants is to know where your father is. You will then need wisdom to discern his location from the details in the pictures you are presented with.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well… The mirror won’t just come out and tell you where he is, but… Are there Mountains in the background? Are they snow capped? Do you see any rare flora? Is there a river nearby? All of these details will help narrow down the possible locations. If you comeback in a day and he’s now in the desert, then the desert must be close to the mountains you saw. Can you see the ocean in the background? All of these are subtle clues that will, in fact, impart great knowledge… But only if you have the discipline to conjure them and the wisdom to interpret them. It won’t be easy, or quick, but you may get something that will shorten your search.”

‘I’m sorry Takamichi,’ Negi thought to himself, ‘but I’m going to have to break that promise I made to you.’ “Do you know where it is?”

“Yes. It's in a temple, not far from here... deep in the catacombs. I have this ancient map…” He handed a rolled parchment to Negi, who took it with great care. “You must be able to detect and dispel barrier enchantments as well as disarm magical traps.”

“I think we… I mean I can handle that.” Negi could almost feel the dark figure’s smile, having given up information he’d have preferred not to.

“And there are Stone Golems inside… you must be prepared to fight them.”

Negi just nodded, not wanting to give away any more information.

“But most importantly of all… The air inside the catacombs is dense with a certain type of fungal spore. The body reacts very badly… inflammation… suffocation… death awaits all who would breathe them. You must protect yourself against that, and you must cast the spell in the entrance room of the temple.”

“Why…?” Negi thought this advice sounded a little too specific.

“The interior chamber of the Temple has powerful protections to prevent any magic from being used inside. If you wait until inside the catacombs, it will be too late, and if you cast the spell out in the street, even assuming it wouldn’t run out too soon, there would be witnesses. The entryway is poorly lit, and mostly cut off from view. You will not been seen or disturbed there. And it’s only a quick walk from there to the catacombs… the entrance is a hidden staircase behind the Altar. It’s a trap door, and should be easy enough to find, even without the use of your magic.”

“There is one problem…” He thought of Asuna. “One of my part… I mean my partner,” Negi was kicking himself again for given the man more free information, “well, she’s sort of immune to magic. How shall I protect her?”

“Hmmmm…” The man in the shadowy cloak thought quietly to himself for a while. “You practice the western magic, yes? If I may be so bold, may I ask you… is she your minister?”

“We have a contract, yes.”

“Well then that’s easy! Even if she’s a magic canceller, just activate the contract. Her magical shield will not prevent you from casting a protective spell on her while the contract is active.”

[Author’s Note: The aforementioned point may not be cannon. Please just go with it.]

“Wow… Thanks, I never knew… Wait a second. How do you know so much anyway? And why are you helping me? What do you want?”

“I will not tell you how I come by my information. I’m sorry. As for what I want… After you’re done... Once you are reunited with your father or, heaven forbid, find out that he has, beyond any doubt or recall, passed on… I will come for the Mirror. I want it… once it is no longer of any use to your present search.”

Negi was surprised by this. In the course of there conversation, while he could not see the man’s face, he did spy the end of a short beard, and the man’s whiskers were white. “But… it could take so long… and you’re so… so…”

“Old? Heh-heh-heh… Older than you could possibly guess. But have no fear - time is on my side. For you, however, or for your father, it can run out. Do we have a deal? Will you grant my wish, in exchange for what I have given you?”

“Well… Yes but… how do I know I can trust you? I do I know you won’t simply take it from me, once I have it?”

“My boy… If I had the strength, to defeat you… and your friends,” so he had picked up on that, Negi thought to himself, “I would simply go and get it myself. But that is beyond my power.”

“All right. I’ll do it.” Negi replied, as he thought to himself, ‘I’m so sorry, Takamichi.’

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While Negi was inside talking to the figure, Kazumi Asakura waited across the street from the club, trying to figure out what was going on inside. Through her camera, she could see Asuna, Nodoka and Yue. Setsuna had used a charm to hide herself, so there was no surprise that Asakura couldn’t see her, but something was also preventing her from seeing Negi. As she tried to get a better view, she was startled when something small, white and furry jumped from the bushes behind her and landed on her shoulder.

“HIYA SISTER!” Kazumi almost jumped out of her skin, but it was just Kamo, Negi’s ermine familiar.

Asakura scolded the little pest, in her valley-girl accent. “Oh – my – god… Kamo! You just, like, scared the hell out of me!”

“Well what’s going on? I can’t find the boss or the chief anywhere! I’m surprised to run into you here!”

“Professor Negi is inside but, like, I can’t see what’s going on. Bookworm and Yue are with him, so are, like, Asuna and Setsuna.”

“WHOA! He calls out the troops and doesn’t even tell me?! Oh boy! He’s gonna hear it when I get back!”

“Aaaah… No-o! You, like, can’t say any-thing about this! He doesn’t know I was, like, spying on him! If he needs our help then, like, it’s better if he doesn’t know we’re keeping tabs. We’ll round up, like, Mana, Kaede and Fei Ku. We can, like, be the reserves in case anything really bad happens.”

“Oh, MAN! OK, OK. I’ll keep quiet about it.”

The two then snuck back the hotel.

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After meeting with Negi, the cloaked man was the first of the two to leave. He knew that the boy had other helpers, but that didn’t concern him right now. Hopefully Tsukuyomi was doing her job, and making note of anyone roughly the age of Negi’s students who left the club. As he entered his own room across the street he was happy to see that she was still keeping watch from the balcony. In her pink, frilly, Lolita dress with that white bonnet hat and eyeglasses, just the slightest bit too big for her face, he found himself amazed that this delicate looking porcelain doll of a girl could be so deadly. He was not sure her exact age, but her body still looked undeveloped and her face was a balance of awkwardness and beauty, with just some a child’s cute features remaining, mingled with a subtle hint of the woman’s face she would one day possess.

“So… How many others?” The dark man asked his ally, as he sat down.

“Well, two more left the club after Negi and Bells. And although I didn’t see her, I’m sure that… Setsuna was with them.” There seemed to be the slightest bit of longing in her eyes as she said this.

“That’s the one from Shinmei-ryu?”

“Yes.”

“Your rival? Your… equal?”

Tsukuyomi looked downward and answered quietly. “Yes.”

“Have no fear. This time you shall have the advantage.” As he said this his gaze fell upon a potted plant in the corner of the room. A small cat came from behind it, crossed the room and leapt into the man’s lap.

“But what if your spell doesn’t work? What if they disarm the traps in the temple? You were paid to capture him! Not to go on some kind of…”

“Correction.” The man interrupted sternly. “I will be paid to capture him, and will get a bonus for the Shinmei-ryu and the Magic Canceller. And from that payment, you will be paid for your assistance. If he succeeds… then the temple will be open to us. I assure you there will be something in there that you would gladly take as compensation should my payment somehow… fall through. So my dear… even if my plan fails… we still win.”

“There was still the other one, taking… pictures of the club. I’m sure she was keeping watch, but I'm still not sure that they knew it.”

“As I thought.” The man concluded. “I sensed that someone was trying to break my detection barrier. It must have been her.” The cloaked man now stroked the small black cat in his lap.

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Once they were a good distance for the meeting place, the five friends joined up again. Negi wanted to know immediately what Nodoka’s Journal revealed about the man.

“Um… well… nothing. I couldn’t even locate him, even though he was right there in front of me!” Her voice sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

“That’s OK Nodoka! At least we know he is a wizard of some kind! And that he’s powerful enough to shield his thoughts from your journal. That’s not a comforting thought, but it’s important to know!” Negi knew that they would have to be on their guard. What he hadn’t expected was to see Professor Takahata waiting for them in the Hotel lobby as they arrived, way past curfew. He didn’t look happy, but he remained quite calm.

“You girls are in trouble.” He said evenly. “Negi-sensei, where did you find them?” So he was still being treated like a teacher, Negi thought to himself. That was good, but he felt terrible about what he now had to do, in order to keep their little quest a secret from Takahata.

“I caught them trying to sneak into a dance club.” Negi felt his body temperature rise with such a bold lie. He wasn’t sure if Takahata bought it, but he could feel the waves of anger rising off of the girls at his betrayal.

“Well… In that case I’d say you girls should be confined to quarters for say… All day and all night tomorrow?”

Negi’s body heat now swelled as his heart started racing. He would need them tomorrow. Plus he knew Asuna’s punishment for him would be even worse if she was personally grounded by her crush, Professor Takahata.

“Aaaaaahh… Takamichi… don’t you think that’s a bit harsh? I mean…”

“No, Professor Springfield. Sneaking into a club underage is serious business. I’m being lenient not sending them home right this minute.” At that thought, Negi decided not to push his luck. He felt like an absolute heel getting the girls in trouble just for helping him, and then getting off scott free himself.

He whispered to Asuna “Don’t worry… I’ll get you all out of this.”

But the fire in her Blue and Green eyes spoke volumes. “You … are … so … dead!” she muttered back under her breath, her boiling rage making Negi feel smaller than he thought possible.

He couldn’t sleep a wink that night. He knew he had to sneak the girls out and sneak them back in… if they were caught breaking their confinement, the girls would be sent home, and he’d be force to admit to Takahata-sensei that he’d broken his promise and lied, rather profoundly.

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The next day passed without the girls getting even a message from Negi. The four girls were put in a single room as the chaperones took turns keeping watch in the hall. They were told not to socialize, and that they would be separated if they made any noise. By sunset, they had just about concluded that the quest was off.

“Come on,” Asuna whispered. “The little brat’s not coming. Let’s get ready for bed.”

“Oh Asuna…” Nodoka tried to keep her hopes up, she really wanted to spend time with Negi, especially doing something so exciting, but she didn’t know what else she could say.

“I mean the little runt betrayed us! He made me look like some kind of delinquent in front of Tak…” She cut herself off, blushing profusely. She wasn’t sure how many of them really knew about her infatuation with Takahata-sensei, but she hadn’t wanted to just blurt it out.

“Think about it, Asuna!” Setsuna whispered harshly. “What else could he do? He must have his reasons for keeping the quest a secret. We agreed to help him. So give him a chance to make it right. I’m sure he didn’t plan for things to work out that way. Truth be told…” she was immediately struck by the irony of this statement, “it was pretty quick thinking on the kid’s part.”

“Hmpft! Well I’m going to bed!” Asuna shot back quietly. “You all may as well do the same!”

Setsuna remained where she was but Asuna took off her tee shirt and folded her pants neatly on the bed before rummaging through her bag for her nightgown. Nodoka did the same.

“I gotta pee.” Yue said, and went into the bathroom. She left the door open, in case anyone still wanted to talk. Since she was behind the wall, she reasoned, it was not as if anyone could see.

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While the young hostages stewed in their makeshift prison, Negi stood on the edge of the roof. He’d spent the entire day brewing four flying potions. It wasn’t easy, given the time constraints, but he was sure they would work. He mounted his staff, and flew in a wide arc towards the window to the girl’s room. Seeing it was open he figured he would fly right in. ‘It would be like making an almost… heroic entrance,’ he thought to himself.

“I’m here!” He whispered loudly, as he landed in the middle of the room.

“Eek!” Nodoka let out the tiniest scream as she tried to cover up with nothing to use except her own two hands. She stood directly right in front of him wearing only a small a-cup bra and narrow pair of candy-striped panties. While Nodoka was embarrassed beyond all reckoning, the sight of her stunned the young Negi into a state of near paralysis.

‘Oh. And there’s Asuna…’ his mind told him in a stupid sounding sing-song voice. ‘She’s not even wearing a bra and… oh look… she must have bought another pair of those teddy bear underpants I accidentally disintegrated on her that one time...’ In his shocked and confused state this all seemed like a happy dream. Although the image shifted to nightmarish rather quickly, the happy narration still played in his head.

‘My word, Asuna does not look happy at all.’ He thought, his mind still speaking to him in the same dull, sing-song tone. ‘Oh my… she looks even madder than before. My word… is she going to…’

*&$% POW @#$% !

‘… hit … me … ?’

Negi tumbled accross the room from the force of the blow, landing in the small hallway in front of the door. He gained consciousness just in time to look up and see a very surprised Yue, sitting with her panties down around her ankles. Whatever else he might have seen, from his vantage point below her on the floor, was consumed by darkness as he fainted.

‘So… indigo… then…’ was the last thought he had before going limp.

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“Ne-gi…? Ne-gi…?” It was the sweet sound of Nodoka’s voice. Negi came to and looked up to find himself surrounded by the four girls, thankfully fully dressed this time. “Oh! You’re OK. Thank God!” Negi sat up…

“No…doka?” The image of her trembling, half-naked body threatened to creep back into his mind, but he pushed it away. They had work to do. He explained to them what it was they were actually seeking, and showed the girls the flying potions which luckily had not been broken as a result of Asuna’s attack. At the end he explained why he had lied to Takahata. Yue and Setsuna seemed to understand. Nodoka looked disappointed. Asuna was furious.

“So not only do you make me look like some kind of miscreant in front of Professor Takahata, but you lied and broke your promise to him as well?! Why the hell should we help you anyway?!” If Negi didn’t know better he’d swear her long orange pigtails looked as if they were on fire.

Negi thought for a moment… “Asuna… What is your heart’s most desperate desire?” A voice whispered in Negi’s conscious, but he ignored it.

“Huh…? Me…? I… uh… well… you know…” Asuna stammered. She couldn’t just come out and say it, could she? ‘What the hell?’ she thought, ‘Is the little runt trying to embarrass me some more?!’

Negi continued, in a knowing tone of voice. “You may think it’s that certain person but…” The voice in Negi’s conscious was practically screaming at him to stop talking. “… Are you sure it’s not to find a way to make him… love you?” Once said, the voice in Negi’s head went silent.

“Eek.” A small cry escape Nodoka, but Asuna just stared at him.

After a few seconds, she answered him. “Let’s go.”

--------------------

The five friends crept through dark, back alleys trying to avoid the main street as they made there way to the temple. Once Setsuna was convinced the coast was clear, they went through the massive double doors at the front of the temple. As they waited quietly in the entryway, hearts pounding, Negi began the incantation that would protect them from the deadly spores in the catacombs.

“Activate the contract for Asuna Kagurazaka, Setsuna Sakuazaki, Yue Ayase and Nodoka Miyazaki for one hour.” All four girls felt themselves powering up. Negi felt drained, but continued with the spell. “Inkipium confestum muys magica… Allergium prohibitus totallus!” The last word echoed in the chamber, but the blue light that Negi expected to rise up and engulf them instead seems to slough off of them and fall to the floor. He was sure he’d done the incantation correctly, but felt uneasy about it. “Um… perhaps we should try that again?”

“Meow.” The four girls were startled by the sound of a black cat coming from the shadows. It started rubbing itself against Asuna’s legs, purring as it went.

“Ha-hah. It’s just a ca… ca… caHAHT-SHOOO!”

“Asuna please!” Negi cried, more startled by the sneeze than by the cat. “Not so loud! We’re not supposed to be here! We need to keep…”

“Hey… I th… though that incanta… a… ation was supposed to protect us from th-this kind… of… thing…ing… HAHT-SHOO!” Negi knew something went wrong with the spell; the ethereal flow didn’t look right at all. Nodoka went over to pick up the cat, as Asuna was to busy rubbing her nose and trying to get away, with nowhere to go in the small room.

“I didn’t know you were aller… aller… gic… to… ca… eSHOO!” Nodoka’s cute, high pitched sneeze was not nearly as loud as Asuna’s, but it reverberated in the nearly silent temple none the less.

“I’m… n-not… HAHT-SHOO!” Every breath Asuna took increased her urge to sneeze. The cat left the two and walked past Yue.

“aaaAAAAHHH-choo!” Yue’s sneeze was deep and throaty. The cat continued past Setsuna.

“Some… S… Something went wr...wrong w-with th-the s-spell… eh… EHTChoo!” Although she was bent over, she was pointing upwards. The group saw a small paper charm stuck to the ceiling. Negi couldn’t read most of it, but he recognized one of the Kanji: REVERSE.

“It’s a tra… aaa… AAAAHHH-SSSSHHHHOOOOOO!” As always happened when Negi sneezed his air magic went out of control. The gale force wind blew up all of the girl’s skirts, despite their best efforts to hold them down. Needless to say, while he was the smallest of the group, even slightly smaller than Yue, his sneeze was far and away the loudest. “…trap! Oh dear me… I’m terribly sorry.” Four faces glared back at him, looking simultaneously embarrassed and annoyed.

The cat left the entranceway and the group pulled desperately at the door… but it wouldn’t budge. Setsuna drew her sword to cut it down.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you…” called a deep voice from the middle of the temple. It belonged to the dark figure Negi had met with earlier. Standing next to him was a tween-aged looking girl in a frilly pink dress, wearing eyeglasses and a wide brimmed bonnet-hat, and wielding a sword almost identical to Setsuna’s. Her other hand was behind her back. Setsuna recognized her immediately, and remembered that she’d also used a dagger in their last encounter.

“W-Why n-not?” Setsuna tried to sound threatening, but her voice wavered and betrayed her as she struggled against another sneeze.

“There’s an explosive rune on the other side. If you strike through the door… it will detonate, killing you… and your friends. Ent-Golem! Necoyokai!” On that command the black cat walked towards him, growing larger as it did. Although the shadows obscured the transformation, by the time it reached the cloaked man, it was standing upright, roughly six feet tall – a cat demon. With their itchy noses the group was dreading even more what was already an unwelcome surprise. The next thing they saw filled them with despair.

Lumbering out of the shadows from the back end of the temple, standing nearly twelve feet tall, was what looked like a giant, woven out of ragweed bushes. Coarse vines stuck out where tendons would be, and tree limbs substituted for bones. Fine dust seemed to shake off the monstrosity with every step as he shambled up behind the man in black. His mere presence was causing their eyes to water and there noses to run liberally.

“Now… you can surrender now, and I will ease your suffering while we wait for my clients, or you can try to fight… in which case you will only suffer more.” There was no decision to be made. Setsuna and Asuna charged, while Negi, Nodoka and Yue began their incantations.

Asuna engaged the Ent-Golem, while Setsuna crossed swords once again with her Shinmei-Ryu rival, Tsukuyomi. The attack was fierce – she knew she would have to end it quickly, but it was hard to concentrate with her eyes tearing up and her nose in a constant state of over-sensitivity. Their blades clashed, but Tsukuyomi kept her left hand behind her. ‘I can’t forget about the dagger…’ Setsuna thought to herself. Seeing an opening, Setsuna pinned Tsukuyomi against a bench. Unfortunately, she could no longer move herself, or her opponent would free herself. It took almost all her strength to maintain the hold, but she had just enough leverage to raise her other hand in defense as Tsukuyomi’s hidden hand flashed from behind her back. When Setsuna caught it mid-air, it did not possess a dagger, as she had expected, but a long feather. Despite her best efforts, with a quick manipulation of her fingers, Setsuna’s opponent angled the feather downward and gently tickled her nose with the end of it, smiling mischievously all the while.

“H-Hey… N-No… eh… EHTChoo!” The sneeze momentarily sapped her strength and she was pushed off by her opponent, who continued her attack, this time striking with both sword and feather. Every swipe of the feather caused Setsuna to sneeze again, breaking her concentration. The fight was quickly going against her.

Meanwhile, Asuna had her plate full with the Ent-Golem. She held her hands on opposite ends of her Harisen, as she tried to push back against the creature’s relentless assault.

“HAHT-SHOO! Hey! ha… HAHT-SHOO! How about some h-help over here?” She looked back at the three diminutive Wizards, desperately trying to complete their incantations, but between the sniffling and sneezing, noone could get the complicated wording out properly. “HAHT-SHOO! Oh man!”

The Golem was pushing her into a corner. Her eyes stung and her nose felt as if ants were crawling around inside it. With one more sneeze, she pushed back and gave herself enough room to launch a counter offensive. One strike… Another… Another… she knocked more pollen of the creature with every blow as she drove it back. At this point she wrote off getting any help from Negi and the others. With the Golem on the ropes she raised her weapon to strike the finishing blow when the Cat-Demon flew past her.

With her left paw, she shredded the front of Asuna’s shirt, giving her several lacerations on her torso as she flew by. One of her claws caught the front of Asuna’s bra, severing the fabric holding the two cups together. While this was both embarrassing and painful, it would not have been enough to break Asuna’s attack on the Golem… but she was struck in the nose by the cat-demon's tail. At this point, already off balance having drawn back her Harisen, the sneeze took out her last bit of concentration.

“HAHT-SHOOO!” With her eyes closed, she never saw it coming.

* WHAM *

What felt like a tree trunk slammed into her, sending her sprawling across the floor. She hit her head, breaking an urn as she landed, and fell unconscious.

The entire time this was happening, the Dark figure just stood and watched while Negi tried to ready an attack spell meant for him, and Yue and Nodoka tried to act as artillery for Asuna against the Ent-Golem.

“Inkipium confestum we… we… we… AAAAHHH-SSSSHHHHOOOOOO!” Every hurricane force sneeze that Negi issued just served to spread more pollen and dander into the air.

“aaaAAAAHHH-choo! *sniff* This is n-no good Negi! aaaAAAAHHH-choo!” Yue, normally cool in any situation, sounded almost panicky. Since they were inside, she could not use her broom to call lightning, and she could not string two words together without sneezing.

“Inkip… eSHOO! Ink… Ink… In… eSHOO!” Tears ran from Nodoka’s eyes, although she was not crying. She tried to think of the shortest spell she knew, but nothing came to mind that would be of any use here. If any of them got even close to completing a spell that dratted cat demon flew by, with its claws and tail. Once Asuna fell however, their fight ended quickly as the Golem swept up all three with a single blow of its mighty limb.

Finally it was down to Setsuna. “*sniff* eh… EHTChoo!” She knew it was coming, she left her sword open on that one, and her grip was too light.

* CLANG *

Tsukuyomi sent Setsuna’s sword flying, and then came back with the feather.

“Ack! *sniff* eh… eh… EHTChoo!” Her eyes were now closed.

* THUD *

Tsukuyomi drove an open, flat hand into Setsuna’s chin as hard as she could. Setsuna fell. “Wow. I’ve finally defeated you! I don’t believe it!” Setsuna, looking up from the ground, heard the girl’s gloating, but could not respond. The world went dark as her head dropped to the floor.

--------------------

When they came to, the group found themselves disarmed and bound. Their hands were tied behind them, to their ankles and they were lined up along a wall in an uncomfortable kneeling position. Most of there clothes were in tatters from the fight. The man in the black cloak and the girl in the pink dress had left, and the Ent-Golem was also nowhere to be seen. Necoyokai was the only visible guard left. She was back the form of a small black housecat, but there was little doubt in the captives’ minds that it was the same cat-demon they’d fought before – its voice hadn’t changed.

“I’m bored.” The small cat said, in a high-pitched and whiny tone.

It pounced up on Nodoka’s lap, and to her dismay, Nodoka discovered that the botched protection spell was still very much in effect. The tickle in her nose started with her first, hitched breath.

“Oh… *sniff*… K-Kitty… *sniff* please…” Necoyokai dragged it tail gently across the end of Nodoka’s pink, runny nose, overwhelming any defenses she had left. “eSHOO! *sniff* eSHOO! eSHOO! *sniff* eSHOO-OO! Oh… Please kitty… eSHOO!”

The cat jumped from Nodoka to Yue, who looked strait ahead, remaining as still as stone. The look on her face was one of casual indifference. The demon-cat gave Yue the same treatment as Nodoka, running its tail under her nose. Yue didn’t even blink.

“Oh come one!” The demon-cat demanded. “You're no fun!” She tried few more twitches of her tail, but the only response from Yue was a single tear from her left eye running down her cheek. She didn’t even seem to notice it.

“Oooooh… Playing it cool, huh? That’s OK. I like a challenge.” The cat demon began pacing over Yue’s lap, keeping its tail pointed upwards the entire time. Looking back, it noticed Yue eyes narrow every so slightly. Then her lips parted as she fought the urge to sneeze. The demon cat now began lightly batting her nose with its tail. Yue’s irritated nostrils flared as she drew a long, sharp breath.

“aaaaaAAAAAAHHH-choo!”

“Gotcha! That was fun!”

She then jumped from Yue to Asuna, who had no intentions of begging, like Nodoka or of trying to play it cool, like Yue. The instant the beast landed on her, she began bucking and hopping about, trying to throw it off of her. This hurt her wrists and ankles like hell, but she refused to give her jailor any satisfaction. “Get off of me you little…”

As Asuna pitched and struggled, the demon-cat extended her claws into Asuna’s thighs in an effort to hold on.

“OW! You bi…”

“If you don’t want the claws then… SIT… STILL!” Asuna stopped fighting, but leaned back, trying to get her face out of range of the cat’s tail. This plan backfired, as the cat simply leapt up onto her shoulders. She briefly considered trying to throw her off again, but she could feel just the slightest poke from the cat’s claws through her shirt and reconsidered. She didn’t exactly want it taking a swipe at her face.

“What the…?! W-Why don’t y-you j-just go aw…aw…away… ay… HAHT-SHOO!”

“What? Aren’t you enjoying this?” The cat’s innocent tone made it sound even crueler. “I need to do something to pass the time.”

“Well… HAHT-SHOO! Why do you go chase a… a… HAHT-SHOO! mouse or go lick your backside or some… some… HAHT-SHOO! something!”

“Lick my…?! Why you!”

Necoyokai now started doing what could only be described as laps around Asuna’s head. She made sure to drag her entire body across the whole of Asuna’s face. Asuna could feel the beast’s claws digging in to her chest and shoulders, in order to hold on while navigating the awkward circuit. After several minutes, during which Asuna’s sneezing was about as steady and constant as her breathing should have been, the cat jumped down and eyed Setsuna. Asuna fell over and lay on her side on the ground. Her nose was bright read and ran like a stream. Her eyes were also red and nearly swollen shut. She breathed through her mouth, with a raspy sound, and didn’t have an ounce of fight left in her. Negi felt like crying at the sight of his dear, if somewhat violent-tempered, friend in this state.

When the cat landed on Setsuna she, like Yue, showed no response. “You too, huh? Oh well.”

She went to work, pacing across her lap, running her tail across her nose, but got no response from the disciplined warrior-girl.

“Hmmm… you’re good! I can see why Tsukuyomi has such a crush on you.” At hearing those words, Setsuna felt her body temperature rise a few degrees, but it didn’t show. The cat jumped up of her shoulders. It stretched around behind her head; poking its face around one side and nuzzling the right side of her nose, while her tail reached around the other side tickle her from the left.

“Still nothing?” It asked sounding both innocent and disappointed. Setsuna stared directly ahead. Yue was immensely impressed by her discipline. Asuna was far too miserable to notice. Nodoka was looking at Negi, who had changed from looking sad to angry, though his voice still sounded as it he was on the verge of tears.

“STOP IT!” he screamed. “JUST STOP IT!” He was crying now. He knew that this was all his fault: That’s he’d lied and broken his promise, to his friend and mentor no less; and that he’d led the girls into danger for purely selfish reasons. He sobbed openly as tears ran down his face. This sight broke Nodoka’s heart, but she didn’t cry herself, trying to be strong for this boy, who she loved.

“You want some? You want your’s now?” The cat jumped down from Setsuna’s shoulders, having been unable to elicit even a sniff. It made its way over to Negi.

“You think you can talk to me like that? You think you’re important? You’re just a kid. A brat, just like them!” She wasted no time in getting up on Negi’s shoulder and rubbing her head against his nose, oblivious to the danger she was putting herself in.

“aahh… haaaaaahhh… AAAAHHH-SSSSHHHHOOOOOO!” The wind blew the cat demon across the floor. It rolled to a stop having been forced it back into it bipedal human-hybrid form. The girl’s tattered shirts were also blown upwards in the breeze, but as his eyes were closed, the girls were spared another embarrassing exposure.

Negi had hoped his sneeze would have knocked the cat-demon unconscious, but she seemed relatively unharmed. Seeming a bit annoyed however, she stomped back to Negi and, taking him by the back of his shirt, dragged his about halfway across the room and dumped him unceremonious on his side. “You’ll stay over here.” She said tersely.

Necoyokai went back to torturing the four girls, although her efforts on Setsuna were still frustrated. After several minutes of this, the man in the cloak and Tsukuyomi returned.

“Come, we have much to discuss.” The cloaked figure said to the Cat-demon in an authoritative voice as he passed. “Is the spell still in effect?”

“On everyone except the Shinmei-Ryu, it seems.” Necoyokai answered.

Tsukuyomi approached Setsuna with the same mischievous glint her eye as earlier. “Oh….?” She withdrew the long feather for its holder on her belt and rapidly tickled the end of Setsuna’s nose with it. The response was strong and immediate.

“Oh… ah… no… eh… eh… EHTChoo! EHTChoo! eh… EHTChoo!” Setsuna was helpless to resist.

“I’d say it’s still very much in effect.” Tsukuyomi concluded in a highly satisfied tone. The cat-demon seemed simultaneously impressed and disappointed, as the three went into a room in the back of the temple, leaving the five captives unguarded. Each struggled against their bonds but after several minutes none were able to free themselves.

“Girls…” Negi began, “I can’t begin to say how sorry I am to have gotten you all into this. I swear… I promise that we will get out of this, and that I will explain everything to Takami… Professor Takahata when we get back. I will take full responsibility for what’s happened, and make sure that you girl’s aren’t punished any further. I’m… so sorry.”

“Negi…” if she’d been free, Nodoka would have held him. Her heart ached, and even though she had suffered, and was still very much in danger, she had completely forgiven him.

As they sat silently in the gloom, their captors secluded in a back room, a small creature came bounding across the wide room, right towards Negi. “Kamo!” Negi exclaimed in an excited whisper.

“Hey Boss!” Kamo replied, also keeping quiet. “I’m gonna get you outta here! I’ve got Asakura and the rest of the cavalry waiting outside!” Negi didn’t like the idea of more students getting involved, but he had to admit he needed the help. Kamo got to work quickly and quietly, trying to undo Negi’s bonds without arousing attention. Unfortunately he was not aware of what had happened to them. He stood directly in front of Negi’s chest, reaching over his side to work on the knot. His tail was inches from Negi’s nose.

“K-Kamo… *sniff* tah...tail… huh… aaaah…”

“Boss? What’s wrong?”

“AAAAHHH-SSSSHHHHOOOOOO!” Kamo flew through air hitting the opposite wall, a good twenty yards away, with a thud and fell unconscious. Negi resisted the urge to cry out, not wanting to broadcast the fact that they were getting help. Asuna, who was not as fond of the ermine, just thought to herself, ‘Now why couldn’t he have done that to the damn cat?’ Again they redoubled their efforts to break free, and again the got nowhere. Their captors returned.

“Our clients will arrive shortly, and they are most pleased with the work we’ve done.” He looked right at Negi. “I must thank you. You in particular have been very helpful.” Negi burned with anger. The man was about to continue when the group was startled by a loud CRACK coming from outside. One of the temple’s window panes shattered and the Cat-Demon was struck in the shoulder.

“What the…” was all she could say before disappearing in a cloud of ash. The temple doors were kicked open, as several students charged in. The attack was led by the Kung Fu fighting Fei Ku alongside the Ninja-in-training, Kaede Nagase. While they took up the front line, shrine-maiden and demon hunter Mana Tatsumiya entered slowly behind them, her rifle still leveled, followed closely by Kazumi Asakura.

As Fei charged to the front, Kaede threw a small metal star in Setsuna’s direction. Her aim was true and it struck her bindings, severing them. Setsuna slowly rose and picked up her sword, which had been left about ten yards from where they were being held. It was Kazumi who address the cloaked man.

“OK! You’re, like, totally outnumbered! We’re taking our friends home!” Negi had never heard the valley girl speak with so much conviction.

Tsukuyomi looked around, “Uh… Yeah… I’m not getting paid for this!” She said sweetly and fled to the back of the temple. Shortly after disappearing in the shadows they could hear the sound of a door closing. With his Golem long since dispelled, his demon banished and his sword-maiden having fled, the dark man was forced to agree with Kazumi’s assessment of the situation

“Yes. You’re right. And I have no intention of trying to fight all of you…” with a flourish of his cloak, the shadowy figure disappeared in thick cloud of noxious black smoke.

“Come on,” Kazumi said, looking at Negi. “Let’s get you home

--------------------

Although Negi wanted to go back and admit responsibility right away, the four rescuers thought it would go better for all of them if they snuck back in. “You can, like, explain everything to Takahata-sensei in the morning.’ Kazumi argued. Reluctantly, Negi gave in. The group decided it would be best to split up. Kazumi joined Asuna and Negi; Fei carried Kamo; Kaede escorted Nodoka and Yue; while Mana went with Setsuna. They each took separate routes back the hotel, approaching it from different paths.

Fei-Ku had the easiest time, scaling the wall and slipping into her 2nd floor window with the unconscious Kamo tucked into a deep pocket in her Gi. Unfortunately, she had gotten turned around a bit making her way back and the window she was slipping into was in the same position, but on the opposite side of the building, as her room. Professor Takahata was jarred awake as Fei Ku nearly tripped over him lying in bed. Needless to say he got quite a shock from the sight of Ku Fei sneaking in though the window and into his bed. Fei just smiled innocently and gave up. She was caught.

Outside, Kaede waited for the clerk at the front desk to be called away before sneaking in with Yue and Nodoka and making a break for the nearest stairwell. The reached their floor without any trouble, but opened the stairwell door and almost walked right into the back of one of the school chaperones. The much taller Kaede grabbed the girls and silently whisked them into a nearby utility closet to hide until the chaperone moved on. The fit was close, and Nodoka was squashed against Yue, whose jacket had a lot more cat hair on it than Nodoka’s mainly due to Yue’s resistance to the demon’s little game.

“Yue… Y-You’re jacket *sniff*…” Nodoka whispered desperately.

“Hang in there, bookworm…” Yue’s whisper was cool and level, as always.

“…t-too m-much… *sniff* cat… hair... *sniff*…” Kaede was able to move just enough to put a finger under Nodoka’s twitching nose. This was more than either of the smaller girls could manage as they were pinned in the tight space.

“Just another minute… b-book… w-worm…. aaaaaAAAAAAHHH-choo!” Seconds after Yue’s loud, throaty sneeze the door opened and they were greeted by the chaperone, who stood outside, tapping his foot.

As Mana and Setsuna approached the hotel from a wooded area, Mana noticed a shadow coming from around the corner of the building. It was a teacher. “Get down!” She commanded in a whisper, grabbing Setsuna and forcing her to the ground. Her attention was so focused on the patrolling teacher the she did not notice Setsuna struggling as her face was planted directly into a small patch of flowering weeds.

“*sniiiif* Mana!” Setsuna pleaded in a whisper.

“Shhh! Quiet now!” She was still looking at the teacher. Setsuna pushed against the ground, trying frantically to raise herself, but Mana’s hand was of the back of her head, holding her down.

“*sniff* Mana… *sniff* I… can’t…!”

“Shush! She’s almost gone…”

“can’t… ha…hold…. on… eh… eh… EHTChoo! EHTChoo! EHTChoo!” Setsuna’s triple brought the attention of the teacher and they surrendered, caught.

Last to arrive were Kazumi, Asuna and Negi. Along the way he pleaded with Kazumi to just let him go, and explain everything to Professor Takahata, but Kazumi wouldn’t hear of it. She insisted on trying to sneak in and told Negi to sleep on it, and tell Takahata-sensei about it the morning if he still felt like he should. After a few more tries he gave up. The trio walked up behind the hotel, and caught just a whiff of tobacco and the sound of footsteps from around the corner before diving behind a dumpster. It was Takahata, who decided to take a look around after being woken by Fei Ku crawling into his window and over his bed.

The three crouched down in the shadows. Asuna gazed at Takahata through her still irritated eyes. Even roused from sleep in the middle of the night he seemed handsome to her. She pinched her nose as a precaution. She did not want to be caught by him a second time.

“Ka…zumi…” Negi managed as quietly as he could, “are you… w-wearing p-perfume?”

“Yeah! I, like, got it for my birthday! Do you like it?”

Asuna rolled her swollen eyes. ‘What were these two idiots doing?!’ she thought to herself.

“Yes… but… it’s going… to make… m-me… snee… ah… sneeze…. AAAAHHH-SSSSHHHHOOOOOO!”

Gravel and mulch flew past the startled Takahata. “Ok, Negi. Gig’s up. Come on out.”

The three did the ‘dead man’s walk’ back the hotel lobby, and were dismayed to see every single one of their co-conspirators lined up. Mana, Kaede, and Fei (with Kamo on her shoulder) stood behind a couch, while Nodoka, Yue and Setsuna sat on the couch, dabbing their red noses with tissues from a shared box on the coffee table.

Negi looked forlornly at Takahata. “Let them go back to their rooms, Takahata-sensei. This is all my doing. Let them go up and get some sleep and I’ll explain what’s been going on. I’ll take responsibility.”

Takahata sounded only the slightest bit angry. “I’ll decide who will take responsibility, Negi-sensei. But… I’ll hear you out. Girls? You can head up to your rooms. Go right to bed now, or there will be punishments! You’ve used up all your second chances.”

Negi started from the beginning, and told his friend about the cloaked man and his offer for the Mirror, as well as his own lies and broken promise. He considered explaining the reason for his deception, but figured Takahata was wise enough to fill that in for himself. When he finished, he was fighting back tears. “I’m so sorry… I’ll understand if I’m fired. I won’t protest. There’s no excuse for my behavior.”

Expected to be hit, or yelled at, or at the very least sacked, Negi was surprised when Takahata embraced him instead. He hugged his mentor back and finally broke down.

“Negi… I can’t say I’m not disappointed in you. I’m hurt that you broke your promise to me, and also that you never asked for my advice or told me about this man. And although I’m aware of how special these girls are, I’m appalled that you got them involved so recklessly. But… I can’t say that at your age, in your position, that I would have done any better. You’ve been given the responsibilities and burdens of an adult, and you always handle them so flawlessly, that it’s easy for me to forget how young you actually are. Don’t worry. You’re not fired. And I won’t report any of the girls’ involvement in this affair either. I know how much your dad means to you. That’s why Dean Konoe asked me to warn you. We didn’t want to go looking for this thing and end up getting thrown off the real trail in your search for your father. Negi, know this: I want you to find him. I long to see him again myself. And I will never be an obstacle in that endeavor. I will always be there to help you… All you have to do is: ask me.”

Drying his tears he looked up into his mentor’s gentle face. After all he’d done he did not deserve this man’s kindness. He was overwhelmed by it. ‘Was his father a man like Takamichi?’ he thought to himself. He stared at his friend for a moment longer before saying, “Thank you, Takamichi.” After embracing him one more time, as a grateful son would a beloved father, he headed upstairs to his room to get some much needed sleep.

Kadoss (Star Trek Voyager)

Setting and all non-original characters are property of Rick Berman, Michael Piller, and Jeri Taylor.
This is another really ole one (~1999?) that was originally posted on the Tarot of Sneezing.

"Captain's log, Stardate 67431.2."

"We sustained heavy damage attempting to pass through a large Nebula. Electrical storms disrupted our warp core, which had to be taken off-line. Fortunately we are entering a region of the Delta Quadrant with several inhabited systems. I've sent Commander Chakotay to one of the more distant systems to find us a safe place to dock and repair. Tom, Harry and Tuvok are with him. Meanwhile, Voyager is limping towards what is known as the Tricarros system under impulse power. We plan to dock with an orbital space station there and procure replacement parts...."

Captain Janeway finisher her log entry just as the injured Voyager docked with the station. Their reception at the station was cordial and the local merchants were all too eager to sell the crew the parts they needed - at a substantial markup, of course. Fortunately they were hauling cargo from a previous mission which proved valuable as barter material at the station. Elsewhere on the station, less friendly eyes watched as the ship docked.

"You claim I will be able to transport aboard the ship undetected?" The reptilian creature named Kadoss hissed.

"Yes, and once inside you will need to use this data chip to control the computer systems. You will be able to bypass all command lockouts and intruder protocols." The cloaked figure croaked. "But how will you move about the ship unseen by the crew? Surely someone will spot you eventually."

"That is my concern."

"And what of the crew? How will you overcome them? You surely can't kill them all."

"I won't have to kill any of them," Kadoss assured his cloaked ally, "All I need to overcome that particular obstacle is right here." He revealed a small vial, roughly 10 centimeters long, with a dull pitted surface, but with what looked like a secured, air tight seal. "This will be all I need."

The cloaked one clearly did not understand, but shrugged in acceptance. "Whatever you say."

Kadoss paid the cloaked creature and they parted ways. Kadoss did not like dealing with the shadowy Molock race, but they were as unsurpassed in the art of espionage as the Kraktar were in assassination. He was a Kraktar, but he did not care for the art of assassination as the rest of his race did. He preferred piracy as a way to make his living. The starship Voyager was his holy grail. An alien ship, full of new technology, the likes of which had not come through this sector of space since before the life of his great-grandfather, and his species lived a long time indeed. He had tried to take her once before, but was unable to even get on board. He also had little knowledge of computers. This is where the Molocks came in. They had been tracking and studying Voyager for some time. He now had the means to enter the ship and a means to control their computer systems once inside. As for dealing with the crew, he had two advantages.

His race has the natural ability to go unnoticed in a crowd. It is difficult to understand since they resembled no other species he'd ever seen. But in a crowed room or hallway, they blended in like a chameleon, appearing to the crowd to be an ordinary, unmemorable member of their own race. Victims of this trick could never describe the impostor later, the features just seemed too unremarkable to recall. Once trained in its use, the Kraktar used two more phenomena to their advantage. First of all, once past the exterior guards or security, most beings inside the penetrated area will assume you are there legally. The other is that as long as you look like you know where you're going, and appear to have a sense of purpose, almost no one will question you. The Kraktar practice these techniques and perfect them, blending them with there own natural abilities. This makes them capable of reaching almost any target. Once he penetrated the perimeter, Kadoss would use this skill to move about the ship unnoticed. He wanted the crew alive, and the object he grasped in his left hand would insure minimal resistance. Now all he had to do was wait for the crew to return to the ship.

Captain Janeway returned with three cargo lifters after only a few hours. Negotiations were fierce but quick and she now had all of the parts that Lt. Torres said she would need to repair the ship. Their purchases completed, they were no longer welcome to stay at the station to complete the repairs. Also, they had to rendezvous with Commander Chakotay's team and it would take just over a week to reach them at impulse power. Nothing could be done about the warp drive until they docked again.

"Janeway to Torres"

"Torres"

"One to beam aboard. Energize."

As the coruscating blue light engulfed the Captain, another being emerged from the shadows. "Energize." It hissed.

Kadoss found himself inside a cargo hold. According to his datapad it was in the aft section of the ship, just above the engineering deck. Perfect, he thought. He would need to get to a crawlspace called a "Jefferies tube," just outside in the corridor. While this cargo bay and the nearby Jefferies tube were rarely used, the corridor itself was fairly busy. Slowly, he crept to the door, leaned on it, and began to concentrate.

He could feel the vibrations of those coming towards him and going away. Kraktar were taught at a young age how to differentiate these vibrations. And more importantly to count those coming in and going out of a finite space. He kept count: 2 coming in, 2 going out, 4 in, 3 out, 2 in, 2 out, 1 out. He waited until all who had entered the corridor had left. When his count reached zero he waited a full twenty minutes, to allow any who had been there before he started counting to leave. When the corridor was empty he slipped out of the cargo bay, slinked to the Jefferies tube, pried open the hatch and slithered in. Now came time for the data card to give him access to the ship's computers.

It worked like a dream. He quickly uploaded the virus that would ensure the intruder alerts and all diagnostics fully ignored any of his actions, including his very presence on the ship. It even hid the fact that the Jefferies tube hatch had been opened. The event was not deleted, because it was difficult to make changes to the diagnostics log that would not be reported, but it was easily hidden from anyone who looked at the maintenance record. Now for phase two... the cylinder.

It contained ten grams of mekebve spores. Most mammalian species had nearly incapacitating allergic reactions to them, but reptilian species did not. There were four major species of mammals on the ship. Once he had the cartridge securely placed in Voyager's environmental controls, he could test it potency on one test subject of each before advancing to the final stage of the plan.

He had full access to all of the ship's systems that he needed, and there was an environmental conduit running right over his head, through the Jefferies tube he was hiding in. The Molock were thorough if not completely trustworthy, he thought. The cylinder was installed, and all that remained was a few tests. Of the four groups of species onboard, the humans and bajorans had the most similar physiology and one test subject would suffice for both groups. The Klingon chief engineer was another story. Fortunately, the Vulcan security officer was on the away mission. That left only the Borg as a possible threat to his plans. But first things first.

"Computer," he hissed, "Release ten micrograms of the pollen into Captain Janeway's quarters." Networking his datapad to the on-board scanners, he watched for the results...

Just having finished her four hour evening duty shift, Kathryn Janeway settled down in bed with a glass of cold water and her dog-eared copy of Milton's Paradise Lost. She preferred holo-novels, but there was something about an old book, and one that was still being studied, that was satisfying in a nostalgic kind of way. A return to simpler times. She found few things more relaxing.

Unfortunately, she was not halfway through the first page when, an oddly familiar sensation came over her. Her nose was tingling. She knew the feeling well. Although most hereditary conditions such as respiratory allergies were weeded out over a century ago, they still persisted in some family lines. Her's was one of them. She'd taken medication at the academy for it, but had not had any need for some time, since the air aboard starships was controlled and filtered, free of irritants and biological contaminants of any kind. Although she could not remember ever having sneezed aboard a starship, she was about to now.

"Oh my... ah... ahyehshew!" She sneezed into the crook of her elbow, not wanting to damage the pages of the old text. She placed the book down and slowly lowered her arm. But she was not finished.

"AhYEHshew!" She covered up with both hands this time, her nose beginning to run. She looked around, startled by this sudden bout. She sneezed twice more on her way to the replicator unit. "Com... Computer… ah... TISSUES."

Immediately a small stack of soft paper squares appeared in the replicator nook. She grabbed the top few and sneezed into them heavily, her eyes were beginning to itch.

On the other side of the ship a voice hissed, "Computer, purify air in Janeway's quarters." The pollen worked better than expected. Ten micrograms was usually not quite enough to get a reaction. If anything, this attempt worked too well. If he'd let it go on any longer she might launch a full scale inspection of the environmental systems. After purifying the air, he planned to lower the oxygen level by 30% so she'd go to sleep quickly, while reading her book, and hopefully not dwell on the incident.

After blowing her nose, she placed the soggy tissues back on the replicator. The ship's recycler dematerialized them immediately. She fully expected another bout, in her experience she had never gotten off THAT easy, but to her surprise, she felt fine. "That was odd." She said out loud to no one in particular. Still, she had just finished a duty shift and had no intention of going to sick bay, or to have engineering check the ventilation systems. After all, it was only a few sneezes, and the ship had been damaged. Engineering had more important concerns right now. She'd have them run diagnostics tomorrow, if it happened again. She settled in with her book, read five pages, remembering only four, and soon was fast asleep.

Despite the fact that he'd almost blown his cover, Kadoss needed more information. The Vulcan might be gone, but Klingons appeared to be a hardier, more resilient race than humans. He needed to be sure that the Lieutenant would be affected. "Computer, release ten micrograms of the pollen into Lieutenant Torres' quarters.

Lieutenant Torres was sitting cross-legged in front on her bed, attempting to do a meditation exercise that Tuvok had taught her. She'd had a very stressful couple of days since coming out of the Nebula they'd been caught in and Combat Training on the Holodeck was not helping her unwind. On the other hand, she also hated meditation.

"Nothing." The voice in the Jefferies tube hissed again. "Computer, release fifty micrograms of the pollen into Lieutenant Torres' chamber. Fifty micrograms would surely get a reaction, he thought.

Patience was not a trait that Klingons possessed in great quantity. As if this exercise was not difficult enough, now she was being distracted by a buzzing sensation in her nose. She got up from her position and rubbed her nose. It got worse, but she hated to sneeze. Klingon sneezes were exceptionally loud and powerful, and what was worse is that her half-human throat could not take a lot of the yelling that accompanied a Klingon sneeze. Put simply, it hurt.

"Computer, mm-MM, increase air temperature by ten degrees." That should take the chill out of the air, she thought, although she hadn't noticed it being very cold.

Kadoss was impressed by her resistance. "Remarkable. Computer, release one hundred micrograms of the pollen into Lieutenant Torres' quarters." If one hundred micros didn't get a reaction, she was surely immune.

As soon as she was in meditation position again, the buzzing sensation in her nose returned. "Argh." She growled. She pressed her fingers firmly against her nose. The feeling only grew worse.

"Computer," She started, but was not able to finish, "increa... ee... ee... AARGH-TCHOO!" The sneezed ripped at her throat, and her sinuses felt as if they had pushed in on her brain. She felt lightheaded, her eyes were teary, and her voice was going horse. She pinched her nose tightly and walked quickly toward her replicator.

"Ah... AAYAAHH-SHOO Computer... ah... tiss... tiii-AAHSSS-SHOOES."

"Unable to comply" Replied the computer.

"Tissues" She repeated, now growing quite horse.

By the time she had one in her hand however, she felt that she no longer need it. She DID need a glass of water though.

"One hundred micro's it is… Though I almost pity any humans who are in the area when I administer that dose." On the other hand, he though, exposure to the spores did have a way of rendering someone more vulnerable to future exposures. After purifying the air in B'Elanna's chamber, he went onto to the final round of testing. "Computer," he said, "release ten micrograms of the pollen into Seven-of-Nine's quarters."

Seven of Nine did not require much sleep and often worked, after hours, from the converted cargo bay she occupied. She was trying to develop a way to shield the warp core form the type of electrical discharges they experienced in the nebula three days before. She had Borg ingenuity, but was severely limited by the technology available to her. Still, she found the challenge facing her to be a stimulating way to spend her time before regenerating.

"No effect," Kadoss observed. "She IS human, but... OF COURSE! She is in a cargo bay. It's at least four times the size of the typical crew's quarters. Computer, release forty micrograms of the pollen into Seven of Nine's quarters." After five more minutes he could observe no effect. "Computer release eighty micrograms of the pollen into Seven's quarters." A double dose should over-come any remaining BORG immunities. It took ten more minutes, and Kadoss was just about increase the dosage again when the initial exposure finally began to take effect.

"Computer," started Seven of Nine sill engrossed in her work, "Recalibrate the Phase Emitter to a frequency of..." She stopped, suddenly, distracted by a strange and unfamiliar feeling: A strong and sudden tickling sensation in her nose. She had never experienced it before and found it both distracting and unpleasant. As a member of The Collective she had never experienced such a phenomenon first hand and she was not appreciating it now.

"a frequency of One-Seven decimal..." She could not concentrate. The tickle was maddening. It completely consumed her concentration, until it was the only sensation she was aware of. She was now experiencing difficulty breathing regularly.

"decimal... ah... dec... ah... ahtchoo." She inhaled sharply. She had only an academic understanding of what had just happened. She had sneezed. Because this was something she had not done in over twenty years, it left her rather flustered. The Borg were immune to almost all biological contaminants both natural, and those used as weapons. She still had enough of the Borg nanites left in her system to retain the benefits of an abnormally strong immune system. Still, she had sneezed.

The tickle returned. "Ah-tchoo. Ah." She inhaled sharply again, following it up with another sneeze. It was a rather awkward sight. Although she knew what sneezing was, she was not driven by the instinct to raise one's hand to their face when doing it, and though she what tissues were, again strictly in an academic sense, she was too distracted by this altogether unpleasant experience to make the connection. Her large blue eyes were beginning to tear, and her nose began to run profusely.

"Ah-tchoo, Ah-tchoo" She sneezed twice more, looking around for some implement to reliever her eyes and nose with, but since Federation Starches were impeccably clean she couldn't find so much as an oily rag in the cargo bay. "Ah, Ah-tchoo." She sneezed again, she needed to go to sick bay. "Ah-tchoo" Yes, sick bay, surely the Doctor could make this stop. She left the cargo bay, sneezing freely every few seconds as she went.

"Computer! Purify the air in the cargo bay!" Kadoss hissed frantically. But it was too late. The long exposure, combined with the high dosage had caused her immune system to launch a full counter-attack. It would probably last for some time. He only hoped they would not discover the cause. He still had work left to do.

The sight of Seven staggering through the corridors of Voyager was a fairly comical vision to those she encountered. He bright blue eyes were now red and irritated, and they stung when she opened them. Her memory of the ship's layout was sufficient for her to navigate the passageways without sight, but her constant sneezing was disorienting and the lightheadedness that resulted from it caused her to stagger to and fro, bumping into walls and personnel. What made it an even more bizarre sight was that her hands never left her sides. In most humanoid species it was instinctual to cover one's mouth and nose when sneezing. It was ingrained in children as good manners, and just became habit to most adults. If nothing else, it may reduce the amount of sneezing you do and help contain the resulting drainage to a manageable level. Not so with Seven. Sneezing regularly every three and half seconds, fully exposed, mucus running down onto her mouth, hair becoming disheveled, eyes swollen shut and staggering back and forth, she was barely recognizable to those who accustomed to the rock-solid exterior she typically presented.

"Computer... Ah-tchoo... Activate... Eh... Ah-tchoo! Emergency.... Meh... Meh... Ah-tchoo! Medicalholo... hah... holo... holograhicprogram... Ah... AAH-tchoo!" She though she'd never get the full command out, as she struggled against the onset of more sneezes.

"State the nature of the medical emergency." The doctor was capable of other greetings, having been reprogrammed with more personal liberties, but he found that the standard greeting was normally sufficient.

"Ah-tchoo ... AAH-tchoo! ....AAAHHH-tchoo!!" Seven was unable to speak.

"You don't say?" Replied the doctor. "Well at least cover your mouth for heaven's sake." He handed her a small stack of tissues.

Seven held them up to her face, not quite sure how this would help her. She continued to sneeze into them repeatedly while trying to get some more *effective* help.

"What... Ah-tchoo! What... Ah-tchoo! Whatishappeningtome?! AAAH-tchoo." She was clearly distressed. The experience was rattling her normally infalible composure.

"You're sneezing. Nothing to be alarmed at." The Doctors terse replies rarely gave any comfort to his patients. "Although the frequency of the symptom does concern me a little."

"Make... Ah-tchoo! it.... AHH-tchoo! STOP!"

"Certainly, but first I will need to ascertain the cause of your distress. Have you experienced this before?" Seven continued to sneeze even as he began to scan her.

"Neber. Ah... Ah-tchoo! I am Borg. Ah.. Ah... Ah-tchoo! I have never snee.. ah... sneezed before in my life. AHH-tchoo! Not that I can re... re... reAh-tchoo! remember anyway."

"Interesting. I cannot find any trace of viral or bacterial contamination, nor any known allergens in your system. Still, this should help..." He administered a hypospray on her face just over here left sinal cavity, then her right. She almost sneezed again, inhaling sharply, then stopped. She felt immediately refreshed and clear headed."

"Thank you, Doctor. I will inform you if these symptoms return." She said evenly, and started to leave.

"You're not going anywhere yet. I have a few more tests to run." He ran several more tests and finished the exam by instructing Seven in the proper use and benefits of tissues. She found the lecture somewhat pedantic, but since it was new information to her, she assimilated it, thanked the Doctor again and returned to her work. By then, her quarters were completely sterile again.

After several hours of monitoring shipboard communications, Kadoss was fairly certain nothing was suspected. Neither the Captain nor Torres shred their experiences with anyone else and the Doctor seemed to view Seven's sudden sneezing attack with scientific curiosity rather than suspicion. If he knew about the others though... Kadoss quickly uploaded the virus to the EMH program. If anyone else reported their symptoms, he would not remember Seven's case, nor any other, and he would never make a connection. This memory block would be discovered before too long, but he only needed a few hours to plan his attack.

Fortunately none of the others went to sick bay that evening. Janeway had completely forgotten her experience, and Torres would rather lie in a patch of Rogarian Blood Thorns than on a bed in sick bay. He needed to infiltrate engineering, and then the bridge. He needed to re-route the site to site transporter controls the bridge, and according to the Molock's technical readouts that could only be done from engineering. He had already overridden all of the command lockouts, all that remained was his fail-safe.

"Computer, on my command, release the necessary dosage of pollen into the area I am occupying. Base dosage on data gathered on test subjects alpha, beta and gamma. Multiple commands indicate cumulative dosage. Command Word: KADOSS."

The next step involved sneaking into the engineering area to override the command controls and routing control of the site to site transporter to the bridge. Getting there would be easy and with his biological weapon well tested he did not expect any trouble taking engineering. As soon as the corridor outside was clear he crawled out of the Jefferies tube. It always amazed him how gullible other species were. As long as he looked strait ahead, didn't make eye contact, and didn't speak to or touch anyone, no one seemed to notice or question the presence of a 240 pound reptile walking down the corridors in a grey jumpsuit. They just went about their business as he walked right past them and into engineering. He got all the way to the main control panel when he finally heard a voice from behind him.

"Hold it right there!" It was the Klingon, Torres. "Turn around slowly, and explain your presence here, or I will open fire." She had already leveled her phaser at Kadoss. When he turned around there were surprised gasps from all over engineering as crewmen suddenly realized there was an intruder in their midst.

"I wouldn't do that." He hissed, his tone cold, but calm.

"And why not?" Torres asked, keeping her composure.

"If you missed, you might hit the coolant tanks, or the warp core, killing everyone on the deck and possibly destroying the ship. Having already sealed off the doors, you've put yourself in precarious situation."

"I'll be the judge of that. Just who are you and what do you want."

"My name is Kadoss." With that he turned around, and resumed linking his data pad with the main computer.

"I said turn AROUND! Aaaah!" B'Elanna's eyes went watery and a maddening itch came to her nose. All around engineering crewmen were falling to floor sneezing, some on the verge of suffocation due to the necessarily high dose. B'Elanna couldn't see, if she started sneezing like the others she would be unable to fight. Not wanting to hit any critical systems she threw down her phaser and charged her enemy.

She began to pummel his head. When that proved ineffective she jumped on his back and looped her arms around his neck. His skin was think and scaly and hard to grab hold of. She grabbed her own wrist and tightened the hug she had on his neck. The alien didn't seem to be weakening, and her nose was starting to burn.

"Ha...ah....AAAYAH-SCHOOO" she sneezed loudly in what she assumed was he ear. The sneezing began to overtake her, one after another. With each one it became harder to breath, and they sapped the strength from her arms. After one last, wet sneeze, the hulking alien reached back over his shoulder and threw her to the floor. She was out cold. With no one else capable of action in engineering he made the necessary command path alterations and initiated one last program before heading to the bridge.

"Computer," Kadoss hissed, "Release the remainder of the pollen into Voyager's primary ventilation system."

In the mess hall, Neelix was beginning to serve the first crewmen reporting for breakfast. "Arquellian eggs," he described, "Absolutely scrumptious! They're even better with a little ground Greenaran Pepper seed..." Ensign Clark nodded his head, as Neelix began to administer the seasoning. After only a few shakes Ensign Clark let loose a powerful sneeze.

"Aht-CHOO." He sneezed into his napkin.

"Bless you! Perhaps a little TOO much Greenaran..."

"AAAHT-choo" The young ensign sneezed again.

Just as Neelix examined the top of the shaker, thinking it had come off, the entire mess hall seemed to explode as the two-dozen your crewmen all began to sneeze repeatedly en masse.

"Oh my!" Neelix cried. "Neelix to Bridge." The reaction sounded like an echo of the mess hall, several of the crewmen began to pass out for lack of breath. Others were struggling to function but were paralyzed by sneezing fits. "Neelix to Captain Janeway!" He called over his communicator. No response. "Emergency Alert!" he cried out.

"All Emergency Systems are under security lockout." The computer responded.

Captain Janeway called for Red Alert on the bridge, but the computer denied her request as well. "All person... AhYEHshew! personnel... this is the Cah... the Cahhh.... AhYEHshew! THE CAPTAIN!" As if the effort to keep from sneezing her way through commands was not bad enough, she was beginning to have difficulty breathing. "Brace for impah... ah... AhYEHshew! IMPACT! Clear sections 27 though.. ooh.... AhYEHshew! 35! Computer.... AhYEHshew! Open airlock on deck 4, aft... AhYEHshew! AFT SECTIONS!" She hoped this was an airborne irritant, and could be cleared if the ship partially depressurized, but it didn't matter. The airlock never opened.

"Unable to comply." The computer chirped. She tried to draw breath and ask why, but that was too big a strain. Her last chance was an Emergency Rebreather, but the door covering the small storage compartment wouldn't open. The last thing she saw was a hulking reptilian alien enter the bridge. Then nothing.

Neelix was making his way towards the aft sections. If the ship was under attack he had to assume that intruders could beam aboard. If the Intruder Alerts were over-ridden, they must already have control of the computers. He knew, however, that there was one system on board that was probably still functioning.

He arrived at Cargo Bay 5, where Seven of Nine was quartered. The Bay door opened and he saw that Seven was already trying to ascertain the situation on her own link to the computer system.

"Neelix!" She called out. "AAH... Ah-tchoo! What is the situ... sit... Ah-tchoo! situation?"

"Same as here! Everyone except me is incapacitated!" Her eyes were red and it was difficult for her to make out the images on the screen.

"There's an... an... Ah-tchoo! an intruder on the bridge! I can't... Ah-tchoo! Aahh-TCHOO! AAAH-tchoo! I can't identify the species! AAAH-tchoo!"

Neelix needed only one glance at the monitor. "He's a Kratktar. The have the ability to blend unnoticed in a crowd, he's probably been on board since the station at Tricarros, possibly longer..."

"Ah-tchoo! What is he DOING to us?!" She held her finger up against her nose, to no avail.

"I have no idea! And why aren't I sneezing as well?"

"How... Ah-tchoo! Ha... Ah-tchoo! How can we fight him?"

"In your condition it will be difficult. You need to strike the area in the middle of their chests, they have no protective covering over their lungs and hearts, but they're excellent fighters, I don't..."

"AH-TCHOO! Huh... Huh... To the bridge!" Seven stormed out the cargo, Neelix tight on her heels.

When they arrived at the bridge they had surprised the alien, who had not expected any of the crew to be able to function. Neelix, suspecting the same about seven, yelled the only Tallaxian battle cry he knew and charged at the alien hoping to take advantage of the surprise.

*WHACK*

Kadoss backhanded Neelix in the side of the head sending him reeling into the con panel. His head stuck the railing and he dropped the floor, unconscious, with a gash in his forehead. Surprised by the speed and ferocity of the attack, and having lost the element of surprise, Seven approached more cautiously. It hurt to open her eyes, they felt like insect were crawling on them, but she was Borg, and she could cope.

"Ah-tchoo! You will fail... Ah-tchoo!"

"Oh reeaally?" It hissed, "And how will you bring that about? SNEEZE on me?" He smiled, remembering the Klingon's fruitless attack.

Seven circled, closing the distance slowly, her concentration ruined by the incessant sneezing. Her attack was a wise one, but the alien was still to fast, he parried and with one quick grab had his hand on her neck. She grabbed at his crushing fingers as he lifted her up. The grasp was like steel, but the strangle hold did two things in her favor. Since she could no longer breathe, she didn't have to worry about sneezing, and once she was on the verge of blacking out, a left over Borg fail-safe kicked in. Although she was technically unconscious, she could now see clearly. The alien held her high over his head. She cocked her knee back and rammed it square into his chest. They both fell, unconscious.

Seven came to after several minutes, she was sneezing almost constantly now, one after another, but her Borg auto-pilot was still running and it no longer distracted her. Working with dizzying speed and precision, she was able to unlock the command systems, and clear the air on the ship. Within an hour the ship and crew were fully functional, and the alien attacker was in custody.

THAT EVENING:

After giving Captain Janeway her report and going to sick bay for one last check-up she returned to her quarters to make her own log entries. Her thoughts focused on the irony of the day. She had felt more human than she had since joining the crew of Voyager. She had experienced sneezing and, in a way, sickness and weakness. Not an experience she relished, but it did give her an appreciation for the struggles that humans faced. The irony though was that is was her Borg physiology that had saved them and the ship. She was not sure how she felt about that, or how the others would.

Girls Knight in Gotham

Fandom: Batman
Originally Posted: 9/7/11
All Characters property of DC Comics

(NOTE: I'm going to re-post this at a later time, after all of my older stuff has been put up.)

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It took Harley Quinn a few minutes to make her way through the poorly lit corridors of the abandoned industrial complex, to the basement storage facility where the Joker was hiding out.

"You wanted to see me, boss?"

"Yeeeeeesssss, Harley, come in! Sit down!" There were no chairs, other than the one the Joker occupied behind an ornate desk that looked out of place in the otherwise spartan abode. "Have you heard? Crime doesn't pay!"

Harley chuckled a bit. "Yeah, boss, I've heard that."

"Well… lately, it seems… crime hasn't paid much at all. Resources are thin, profits are down, and the long term industry trends are simply not favorable…"

"Are you firing me, boss?" Harley was nervous. The Joker meant far more to her than mere employment.

"No, no, NO, my dear! On the contrary… I want you to do a job for me! And a rather important one at that! One that will pay the rent, give us a few laughs, and possibly have the entire world eating out of our hands!" As he said this, he got up from behind the desk and adjusted the ruff on the neck of her costume.

"Oh boy, thank God for that!" her relief was genuine. And as it was, she was beginning to wonder how long they were going to be hiding out in factory basements. "So what's the job?"

"The black diamond!" his eyes opened wide as he said it.

"Wha…?"

"Good heavens, my girl, don't you read the newspaper?"

"Boss! You know I don't…"

"The Gotham Metropolitan Art Museum will be displaying one of the mythical Black Diamonds!"

Harley was clearly confused. "Black diamond? Who'd want a Black Diamond?"

The Joker sighed in exasperation. "The Black Diamond is a mystical artifact of great power! The last time one of these was loose, the entire world was practically plunged into global chaos! And I want it!"

"OK, boss… But something like that… The security's gonna be pretty tight. How do you plan to get in?"

"The word on the street is that Catwoman and Poison Ivy are trying to team up. Apparently one of them has a full schematic of the Museum's security system and the other possesses the Security Passcodes to disable the alarms. And because the Museum has no idea what they're actually putting on display… There will not be any additional security measures taken!"

"So… Uh... What's stopping them?"

"Oh... The usual."

"You mean: Bat…"

"DON'T…"

"…man?"

"say it!" The Joker groaned. "BUT… That's where you come in! I've arranged for a meeting with both of them, where you are going to give them the following offer: In exchange for bringing you in on their team, and giving you an equal cut, I'll make my presence in the City publicly known, and lead Batman on a wild goose chase the night of the heist. And the joke will be on him, because while you three commit the crime of the century the mighty Joker will be nothing more than a mere diversion!"

"But… Boss… If they sell the diamond and all we get is a third… Then how…?"

"SILLY GIRL!" he yelled, jumping right up to her and bending down to meet the diminutive criminal nose-to-nose. "That's just the offer you're going to make! Once you're in their confidence, you will gain entry to their hidey-holes, find out where they've stashed the security schematics and pass codes and after you STEAL them, we'll go and filch the diamond the night BEOFRE the planned heist!" Even this close up, she could see his grin pervading the perimeter of her peripheral vision.

"Oh… I get it, boss! You're a genius!"

"I know, Harley, I know." The Joker stood up and made a futile effort to neaten his hair. "Now get going, you're meeting the two of them at Selina Kyle's Penthouse in one hour! And don't forget my darling little thief: Find those schematics and passcodes and steal them!"

"You can count on me, boss!" Harley answered, saluting enthusiastically.

"I certainly hope so, my dear!"

-------------------------------------------------

Knock-knock

The door to the Penthouse opened revealing Selina Kyle is a black silk bathrobe. Behind her stood Pamela Isley, who had already arrived, fully dressed in her Poison Ivy regalia.

"You're late," said Catwoman.

"Sorry!" Harley Quinn responded, flashing a smile just big enough to be annoying.

"Well, come in. And let us know what kind of fool's errand your boss sent you here on."

"Awww… You're no fun! And here I came *sniff* arms extended to try and help you guys out!"

Poison Ivy was not impressed. "You work for the clown. And if there's one maxim in this filthy town I believe in, it's NEVER work with the clown!"

"Awwww… *sniff* come on! This time it's legit! For reals! And the best part is *sniff* you'll never even have to see him! *sniff* That the whole idea!"

Poison Ivy still looked unconvinced, but Catwoman was intrigued, "Well… I like the idea of not having to see him. What's the deal?"

"Well… *sniff*," Harley started, pausing to wipe her nose, "He figures you two already know what's going to be on display at the Gotham Met, right?"

"Yeah, yeah… The Black Diamond." Poison Ivy scoffed. " So?"

"Soooooo… *sniff* oh man… *sniff* He also figures that you guys got a plan to get in!"

"And suppose we do," answered Catwoman, "Where do you come in?!"

"Weeeellll… *sniff*" Harley stopped, and rubbed her nose again, more vigorously, "Oh, MAN! *sniff* In exchange for a third of the cut, *sniff* he'll agree to make a major disturbance, *sniff* clear on the other *sniff* side of town, leading Batman as far away, *sniff* and keeping him as much otherwise occupied as possible! *sniff*"

"What's the matter with you?" Poison Ivy asked derisively. "Are you sick or something?"

But Harley didn't answer. She just held up her index finger as her eye's crossed, her brow furrowed and her nostrils flared. She felt as if electricity was running through her nose. "haftaa… snee… eeeeEEEE-HAAAATCH-CHUMFH!" Harley was bent over by the force of her sneeze, and the bells on her jester's hat jingled for a few seconds as she remained in that pose.

Poison Ivy scoffed, as if disgusted.

Harley stood back up, holding her index finger under her nose, and flashing a self-deprecating grin. "Sor-reee! *sniff*"

Catwoman tried to keep their business conversation on track, "Well, fine. It just so happens that we MIGHT have a way in and WERE hoping we could take on someone to handle the diversion side of things…"

"haaaatch-CHOOMPHTFT!" (jingle-jingle)

"… that would definitely make things easier…"

"haah… haaaatch-CHUMPHLTFLT!" (jingle-jinlge)

"… in terms of the whole 'Bat' situation…"

"*sniff* aaaah… *sniff* HAAAHTCHMPLBLT!" (jingle-jingle)

"Oh for the love of…" Poison Ivey was getting annoyed.

"Harley?" Catwoman asked, "You wouldn't happen to be... allergic to cats, would you?"

"*sniff* I don't… *sniff* ooooooh… *sniff* I don't know. I… I… heee… heeeaaAAHATCHOOEY!"

(jingle-jingle)

"Well, could you stifle it girly? We've got work to do!" Poison Ivy was just about out of patience.

"Don't be so mean, Pamela…" Catwoman said, walking over to Harley Quinn, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and gently rubbing a silk handkerchief over her nose. "It's not like she can help it…"

But her motivation was far from altruistic. She had been handling one her cats just before Quinn's arrival and was certain that her robe was covered in cat hair and dander.

"Gee… *sniff* thanks, Miss Cat… I… I… *sniff* Oh my God… Miss… C… Ca… Caaah….Haaah…. HaaaaeeeEEETCHOO! Hee-YAAAAHCHOMPLGHT! Hetch-OOOHHMPH! Hetch-CHOOMPH!" Her bells jingled with every body-bending sneeze. "D'ya think I… *sniff* could use… *sniff* your powder r… roo… rreeeAAAHTCHOOMLPLGT! ...room?"

"Oh, you go right ahead, darling!" Catwoman replied, giving her a pat on her bottom as she started away. Once she was out of sight, Catwoman's attention was turned back to Poison Ivy, "OK, now that the little delinquent is out of an earshot… what do you think of the Joker's offer?"

"PLPPLBPLBBLBPBLPLBLT!" Harley Quinn gave her nose a mighty blow from the privacy of Catwoman palatial guest's bathroom. "Hoo-Boy! *sniff* Working with Catwoman and allergic to Cats! What could possibly be worse?" But when she looked back at the mirror she jumped, swearing that she briefly caught a glimpse of the Joker's maniacally smiling face, just behind her.

"Ah… Hahah… haha…. Ha. Yeah… Well… Allergy or not, the boss is counting on me to get this done!"

She gave another mighty sniff and looked back in the mirror. Her eyes were red and itchy and the tears had made her mask wet and smeared her makeup. Worse, her nose had been running so badly, and she had been rubbing it so much, that her white makeup had been wiped completely clean, and what showed through was various shades of pink and red.

"Oooooh… *sniff* Only for you, Mister J.!" And with one more hearty sniff, she looked outside the door and, rather than return to the main room and rejoin the conspiracy, Harley Quinn quietly made her way down the hallway in the other direction, heading towards Catwoman's bedroom.

"*sniff* Nice place she's got here." Harley thought to herself. But the tickle in her nose was quickly growing to almost torturous levels. She rubbed her finger under it vigorously. "OK. *sniff* Gotta be fast. Look for a safe, or something…"

"meow!"

'Oh no!' Harley thought as a Siamese crawled out from behind the bed.

"*sniiiiiif* Ooooooooh! Safe! Safe! Where is it?" she asked herself, fiercely rubbing her nose and trying not to sneeze.

"Mmmmrrroooowww!" Another Cat crawled out from behind the bed.

"eep! *sniiiiif* Oh my God! I'm in trouble, Mister J.!"

"mrow!" a third cat came out of the walk-in closet, and before she knew it there were a dozen cats going in between her feet, and rubbing themselves against her shins and calves, vying for her attention and affection.

"Oh no! *sniff* kitties! *sniff* Go away! *sniff* Need to… *sniiifff* [rub-rub-rub] find the safe for Mister J.! I… I ca… I can't…. I…. haaaah… Oh please…. *sniff* haaaaaaaaaah…. No…. *sniff*…. Haaaaaah…. Haaaaaaaaaaaaah… HAAATCHOO! HETCHOO! heeeATCH-TSHOO! Haaaah…. Haaacthoo! Hetchoo! Hetchoo! Heeeaaatchooo! HAAATCH-TSCHOOO!" (jingle-jingle)

"Can I help you?!" Catwoman was standing in the doorway, tapping her foot and eyeing Harley Quinn suspiciously.

"P… P… *sniff* Powder room?" she asked, smiling innocently, and pointing towards the door to the master bath with the same finger she held under her nose in a vain effort to prevent any more allergens from getting in.

"GETOUTOFMYROOMTHISINSTANT!" Catwoman screamed, pointing back down the hall, to where they had been waiting for her.

"*sniff* Sorry…" Harley said as she slunk slowly away. 'Mister J.' she added, silently, in her mind.

Harley found that she could breathe just the slightest bit easier once back in the much larger, much more frequently cleaned, main room.

"OK… then," Catwoman began again. "While you were *ahem* indisposed, Ivy and I discussed your boss's offer, and have decided to accept it. I assume you'll be coming with us, then?"

"*sniiiiiiffff* Mmmm."

"Harley?"

"Yes! Yeah! *sniff* I'll be with you."

"Good because we could someone…"

"Haaaatch-SHOO!" (jingle-jingle)

"…to create a diversion…"

"HAAAAATCHSHPLGHT!" (jingle-jingle)

"…on the scene as well."

"Haaah…. HAAAAAH-CHUMPPHLT!" (jingle-jingle)

"And you should be a natural at that, right?"

"Y… yea…. yeeeaaaaAAAATCH-CHOOMPHPT!" (jingle-jingle)

Poison Ivy finally lost her patience, "Of for cripes sakes, I don't know what's more annoying: The sneezing or those god-forsaken BELLS!"

"*sniff* Hey, I'm sorry.. .*sniff* I can't… *sniff* I can't help it, I wish I could! *sniff*"

"Hmmmmm," Catwoman realized that they would still have a lot of the master plan to go over and that Harley was next to useless in her current state. "Ivy? Any chance we could do this at your place?"

"Yeah! *sniff* That would work for me!" Harley was as excited about the opportunity to finish at least half of her mission as she was to get away from the cats.

Poison Ivy rolled her eyes, but realized that Catwoman had a point. "Oh, fine. You know the place already, so… Harley? Here's the address."

"*sniff* Can we go over there now?" Harley asked, desperate to get a breath of air that didn't set her sinuses on fire.

"You can," Catwoman answered, "I'll need a little bit of time to get dressed and… into character. One hour OK with you, Ivy?"

"Sure. See you both then."

Back down on the street, Harley was disappointed to find that she still felt every bit as miserable as she had upstairs. "*sniiiiiffff* Stupid cats! *sniff* Getting me in trouble with my boss now!" She rubbed her nose with one hand and hailed a taxi with another.

Once she hopped in, the driver was immediately startled at who he's just picked up, her boss's reputation preceding her. "Harley Quinn!" he gasped.

"*sniff* Don't worry mister… *sniff* I'm feelin' way too miserable to even run away and skip out on the fare… *sniff* here's fifty in advance… *sniff* just get me to this address… *sniff* OK?"

"No tricks?"

She lifted up her masked, revealing her bloodshot eyes and tear-soaked makeup. "Does this face look like it's in the mood for tricks? *sniff* Just drive, will ya?"

And as Harley curled up into a pitiful, sniffling ball in the back seat, the driver spent most of the ride over daydreaming about telling his friends how he "had a real-live 'super-villain' in his cab this one time!"

And before long, Harley Quinn found herself standing outside of what looked like a huge, privately owned greenhouse. Figuring she could use the time to clean herself up a bit, and possibly restore some of her dignity, she waited for Catwoman to show up before going up to the door herself.

"You're looking a little bit better," Catwoman remarked.

"Yeah. *sniff* Still a little stuffy, but I'll manage. Hey… I'm sorry about the mix up back there."

But Catwoman just laughed, masking her suspicions perfectly. "Oh, that?! That's nothing. No problem at all! It's a big place. ANYONE could get lost in it! No sweat!"

"*sniff* Heh-heh-haaaah." Harley laughed, somewhat pathetically, knowing she was being played, but still lacking any of the vim necessary for a comeback.

The door to the greenhouse opened, and Poison Ivy appeared, now dressed in green civies, much as Catwoman had gone casual back at her place. Harley was starting to think the Joker was the only super-villain around who insisted on dressing the part when he was at home.

"Come on in!" Ivy invited them.

But as soon as Harley walked through the door any notion of relief she had from being away from the cats was obliterated in an instant. Whereas Catwoman's penthouse was at least cleaned regularly, and fairly large, even for a handful of cats, the air in the green house was saturated with the pollen of whatever Poison Ivy was growing here and Harley's nose was immediately set ablaze.

"*sniff*!" (rub-rub-rub) "Oh my God…! Hetchoo! Who… haaah… haAAATCHOOMPH! fills… heeeEEETCHOO! An entire greenhouse… HatcTCHOO! with… HAAAHTCHOOMPLBT! RAGWEED?!" Her bells jingled through the entire fit.

Poison Ivy was indignant, "RAGWEED?! Miss Quinn, I can assure there is no RAGWEED in here!"

"*sniiiiiiffff* coulda fooled… heeeeYAAATCHOOOMPH! …me! *sniff*" (jingle)

"There is nothing in here except for Orchids…"

"HAAAAAH-choomphf!" (jingle-jingle)

"…Lillies…."

"hup-chumf!" (jingle-jingle)

"…and some special hybrids, of my own design"!

"haaaaha… hAAAAAHHHHH…. HAAATCH-TSCHOO! Hut-TXCHOO! HaaaaAAHHCTH-CHOO!!!" (jingle-jingle-jingle)

"Oh, for the… Seriously? Really?"

"*sniff* …yeah… *sniff*"

"Ok, look, Selina, does she really need to be here?"

"haaaath-chmfpt!" (jingle-jingle)
"I mean… Maybe she should go back and tell her boss…"

"*sniiffff* HaaaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHH-choo!" (jingle)

"…that we'll accept his offer. I mean, if she's going to be the diversion, she can probably just wing it, right?"

"Does that sound OK to you, Harley?" Catwoman asked, feeling half-sympathetic and half-glad to be little of the little troublemaker.

"*sniff* yeah *sniff* I gu… gue… gueeeEEEESSSTCHOO! *sniff* I guess so." Harley answered defeatedly, wiping her nose on the back on her hand, and sniffing up that which was pouring out. And, knowing that her chances of finding anything in that greenhouse were just a tiny fraction of what they were back at Catwoman's penthouse, she left, not having accomplished ANY of the objectives her boss had assigned to her.

She knew she couldn't take a Cab all the way back to the Joker's hideout, so she walked, still sneezing (causing her bells to jingle) every dozen steps or so. She wasn't even in the mood to be particularly careful about keeping out of sight and so was spotted several times to the first surprised, and then confused, gasps of Gotham's gentry as they tried to figure out what to make of the sneezing, sniffling super-villain.

After a few hours walking, finally get her sneezing under control, and getting some of the ability to breathe through her nose back, she started down the steps that led into the Joker's subterranean lair. At this point she wanted nothing more than to fall down and go to sleep, but she knew she'd have to apologize to her boss, and try to figure out how to create an opportunity to redeem herself.

"*sniff* Hiya, boss. *sniff*" she said, slumped over in both shame and exhaustion.

"My dear Harley! You look a wreck!" the Joker was only feigning sympathy, but Harley didn't care.

"*sniff* I'm sorry boss… *sniff* I couldn't…"

"Oh, you don't have to explain my dear, I heard the WHOLE thing!"

"*sniff* …huh…?"

"You see I planted a mini-bug in your ruff before you left!"

Harley felt ashamed. "*sniff* Why boss? Dontcha trust me?"

"Oh, OF COURSE dear! It was only there for your… protection! You just can't trust some of these super-villains you know!"

"*sniff* I'm sorry boss. But… *sniff* at least they took the offer?" Harley offered a pitiful smile, but she could see that the Joker wasn't moved.

"Harley, Harley, Harley… You know that this will cost me two-thirds of the cut…"

"*sniff* Yeah, boss, I know."

"…And you KNOW that I'll be keeping your share because of that."

"*sniff* I know, boss."

"…And OF COURSE, you'll still have to be… punished."

"*sniff* I know, boss." And while Harley Quinn could almost have looked forward to a good, hard spanking or some electric-play with the Joker's joy-buzzer, when he finally started laughing, she was horrified to look up and see what he had produced for behind the desk:

A bouquet of a dozen lilies and a fluffy white cat.

"Eep! Oh, no!" she thought, as the Joker stepped out from behind the desk.